Today I took Lily to her gym so that she could be fitted for her new team leotard. She was giddy at the mere thought of going to see everyone and being in the gym again. She actually audibly squealed about halfway there.
Just a little backstory, for those that don't know, Lily broke her arm on July 7 this year. It was a long road of healing that Lily took in stride. We are still waiting for the doctor to give her the final release to start back to her regular gymnastic routine. We see the doctor September 29th, and he told me pretty assuredly at the last appointment that he would very likely clear her at that point. In my head, I had planned to force her to sit out another few weeks after the final clear from the doctor. My thought was that she could use that time to heal (more is better in this case) and to build her muscles back up so that she could take the pressure off of her weakened bones. I wasn't really interested in giving her an option about this...well, maybe just a little.... but, I guess what I failed to take into consideration was Lily herself.
Tonight when we visited her gym my perspective changed completely. I hadn't considered a few things that are actually pretty important when making a decision like this. One, I hadn't taken the full weight of Lily's opinion into consideration. I had asked her a few times during the break if she was missing gymnastics and she would always roll her eyes at me at the sheer obviousness of her answer. YES, of COURSE she missed gymnastics and wanted to go back the day after it happened! HELLO!? It's hard being a mom with your oldest child. Obvious things sometimes take awhile to occur to you. Like the fact that a nine-year-old fourth grader really does know herself and knows what she likes. It has become less about what I think she likes and what she actually does like.
The second thing I had failed to consider: confidence. Lily has gained so much confidence from this sport. She has done things that she didn't realize she was capable of. Gymnastics has given her something that is hers and something that helps define who she is. She is so many things and she loves so many things, but she is absolutely a gymnast. I started swim team when I was 11 years old...not too much older than Lily. Within the first week of practice, I had become a swimmer. It became a part of my identity that I carry with me today. With Lily and gymnastics I had failed to realize how grown up she had become, and how important the activities that we choose to fill our time with become a part of us. Lily is an artist and a scientist, she is a sister and a daughter. But if you ask her, the first descriptive word about herself would likely be gymnast.
The third key thing that I hadn't considered when deciding to hold Lily out of the gym those few extra weeks: friends. If you know Lily at all, you know that she's not super social and really struggles to navigate the increasingly complicated rules of social engagement with her peers. She has very few friends. Today when we visited she had girls excited to see her. Girls that stopped their practice to come catch her up on everything that had been happening while she was away. It's the most animated I had seen Lily in awhile. She was genuinely thrilled to hear how they had all been doing and what they had achieved while she was away. And more importantly, they were happy to see her too. They missed her and wanted to hear about her arm and how soon she would be back.
This realization had the biggest impact on me. I'm so embarrassed that I had been seeing my daughter through such a narrow view. Lily is a whole person with many things that I don't know about her. Many parts of her are not for me to ever know. When you are growing up and being a kid, you think to yourself, I will never be a grown up like all the grown ups I see....I will remember what it is like to be a kid. I was wrong. I became a regular grown up without the perspective of being 9 and loving something so much and having it taken from me in a very traumatic way. I was so focused on healing the arm that I forgot about the part where gymnastics is feeding a part of her soul that I cannot reach. So, I guess, what I'm saying is, when the doctor gives her the go-ahead, we will be in the gym the next day. It would be selfish of me to do anything less.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday, September 8, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Julianna's first day of kindergarten letter
My darling Julianna,
You started school a few days ago. I'm not going to lie....it was probably in my top five worst days of my life. You are only reading this letter after you've gotten old enough not to have real guilt about going off to school and leaving your poor, grieving mother. So I feel like I can be an open book about how I was feeling.
To be honest, when Lily started kindergarten, it was a huge step. It felt life altering, and it was. However, it was also a relief when she started going to school all day. I had a three-year-old and a one-year-old and I didn't have time or energy to grieve too much when she left. I know it was a bittersweet transition when she started kindergarten but I had my hands full and I was okay. Two years later, Drew started kindergarten and it hit me a little harder in my gut. I was pretty sad that first day and you and I may or may not have gone and stalked his first lunch recess time together. We both missed him and it was a little bit harder than with my first. However, I still had you, I told myself. I felt like I would soak up every bit of Julianna time I could (and felt a little guilt for my middle child that never had gotten that day after day one-on-one time that you girls got).
This summer I was dreading the start of school. The summer wouldn't go slow enough and when Lily broke her arm it just seemed to make everything go even faster. We were always looking ahead to the next thing for Lily's recovery and trying to stay positive. This had us always counting down the days and weeks toward no cast....but it was also the countdown to the big start to kindergarten. When it finally arrived, I kept my calendar open. I didn't want to do any crying out in public and I thought my introverted personality would relish the quiet of the first day of school. Boy, was I wrong. I came home and was just so sad. I was pathetic, actually. You were my youngest, off to kindergarten, and I was at home feeling sorry for myself. It was like the rug being pulled out from under me. All of my preparations for this day, all my efforts to not lose myself in motherhood, were lost in my grief. I was suddenly the stay-at-home mom with no one to stay home with. It was just a lot harder than I had expected it to be. You were my buddy, my sidekick. You were a joy to have around all day and I just was wishing I could have even more time with you.
Fast forward a few days and I am better. I'm still a little sad because I am under no illusions about how fast you will grow up now. Starting school seems to put kids on the fast track to growing up. It feels like just a few months ago that Lily was in your position and now she's starting fourth grade. However, I also know that it is the next step in your life and you were more than ready to take it. You didn't know about all of my grief as you took your steps into kindergarten and that's they way I will keep it for as long as I can.
You liked your first days of kindergarten. You are way more shy that I had anticipated. All of your life you have been an expert at making friends and getting along with people. However, as kindergarten neared, you did develop a little more shyness than you'd ever had before. I'm sure that you will warm up and make lots of friends and be just fine, but I hope that it's not with too many growing pains. You are one of the most likeable people on the planet, so I am hoping that you will just get out there and show all those potential friends how awesome you are.
During the first day of school I obviously was in no state to being writing you a letter about going off to school. It wasn't until five days later, today, that I could finally have some perspective on the whole experience. Today we went to the lake and got the boat out for only the second time all summer. You requested a tube ride and during that epic tube ride, and I do mean EPIC, I had an epiphany. Around every turn and spin of the boat, for every bounce the tube hit on the water, you were joyous. I have never in my life seen someone enjoy an experience so fully. You were absolutely present and carefree and happy and filled with pure joy. The look on your face was exactly what I needed to see. That face and those giggles and squeals were what told me that you would be okay. I have nothing to worry about. If you face life with the amount of joy and risk-taking as you did behind that boat, I have nothing left to teach you. You will absolutely do just fine. And I will too.
Thank you, Julianna. Thank you for all the amazing lessons you have taught me. Thank you for your generosity of spirit and your love for life. As you grow, you will teach many lessons to many people. You will teach these lessons just by being yourself and that is something we can both be proud of.
I love you more than words can say.
Love,
Mommy
You started school a few days ago. I'm not going to lie....it was probably in my top five worst days of my life. You are only reading this letter after you've gotten old enough not to have real guilt about going off to school and leaving your poor, grieving mother. So I feel like I can be an open book about how I was feeling.
To be honest, when Lily started kindergarten, it was a huge step. It felt life altering, and it was. However, it was also a relief when she started going to school all day. I had a three-year-old and a one-year-old and I didn't have time or energy to grieve too much when she left. I know it was a bittersweet transition when she started kindergarten but I had my hands full and I was okay. Two years later, Drew started kindergarten and it hit me a little harder in my gut. I was pretty sad that first day and you and I may or may not have gone and stalked his first lunch recess time together. We both missed him and it was a little bit harder than with my first. However, I still had you, I told myself. I felt like I would soak up every bit of Julianna time I could (and felt a little guilt for my middle child that never had gotten that day after day one-on-one time that you girls got).
This summer I was dreading the start of school. The summer wouldn't go slow enough and when Lily broke her arm it just seemed to make everything go even faster. We were always looking ahead to the next thing for Lily's recovery and trying to stay positive. This had us always counting down the days and weeks toward no cast....but it was also the countdown to the big start to kindergarten. When it finally arrived, I kept my calendar open. I didn't want to do any crying out in public and I thought my introverted personality would relish the quiet of the first day of school. Boy, was I wrong. I came home and was just so sad. I was pathetic, actually. You were my youngest, off to kindergarten, and I was at home feeling sorry for myself. It was like the rug being pulled out from under me. All of my preparations for this day, all my efforts to not lose myself in motherhood, were lost in my grief. I was suddenly the stay-at-home mom with no one to stay home with. It was just a lot harder than I had expected it to be. You were my buddy, my sidekick. You were a joy to have around all day and I just was wishing I could have even more time with you.
Fast forward a few days and I am better. I'm still a little sad because I am under no illusions about how fast you will grow up now. Starting school seems to put kids on the fast track to growing up. It feels like just a few months ago that Lily was in your position and now she's starting fourth grade. However, I also know that it is the next step in your life and you were more than ready to take it. You didn't know about all of my grief as you took your steps into kindergarten and that's they way I will keep it for as long as I can.
You liked your first days of kindergarten. You are way more shy that I had anticipated. All of your life you have been an expert at making friends and getting along with people. However, as kindergarten neared, you did develop a little more shyness than you'd ever had before. I'm sure that you will warm up and make lots of friends and be just fine, but I hope that it's not with too many growing pains. You are one of the most likeable people on the planet, so I am hoping that you will just get out there and show all those potential friends how awesome you are.
During the first day of school I obviously was in no state to being writing you a letter about going off to school. It wasn't until five days later, today, that I could finally have some perspective on the whole experience. Today we went to the lake and got the boat out for only the second time all summer. You requested a tube ride and during that epic tube ride, and I do mean EPIC, I had an epiphany. Around every turn and spin of the boat, for every bounce the tube hit on the water, you were joyous. I have never in my life seen someone enjoy an experience so fully. You were absolutely present and carefree and happy and filled with pure joy. The look on your face was exactly what I needed to see. That face and those giggles and squeals were what told me that you would be okay. I have nothing to worry about. If you face life with the amount of joy and risk-taking as you did behind that boat, I have nothing left to teach you. You will absolutely do just fine. And I will too.
Thank you, Julianna. Thank you for all the amazing lessons you have taught me. Thank you for your generosity of spirit and your love for life. As you grow, you will teach many lessons to many people. You will teach these lessons just by being yourself and that is something we can both be proud of.
I love you more than words can say.
Love,
Mommy
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Different rules
Julianna: Can I have Cocoa Puffs for breakfast?
Me: No, that is a snack cereal and everybody had a bowl yesterday so there isn't any left.
Julianna: Buuut, I've had Cocoa Puffs for breakfast before!
Me: When?
Julianna: At the lake!
Me: Well, that was a special treat.
Julianna: Grandma gave them to us. OHHHHHH, I seeeeee, Grandma has different rules!
Me: No, that is a snack cereal and everybody had a bowl yesterday so there isn't any left.
Julianna: Buuut, I've had Cocoa Puffs for breakfast before!
Me: When?
Julianna: At the lake!
Me: Well, that was a special treat.
Julianna: Grandma gave them to us. OHHHHHH, I seeeeee, Grandma has different rules!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Lesson NOT Learned
Tom is going out of town for work this week and his hotel is very near a casino. Tom and I are not gamblers so our kids knew almost nothing about the topic. Last night at dinner Tom gave them a little lesson about casinos and gambling. Sometimes I think we should call Tom the Professor at the dinner table because he is an excellent teacher and when the mood is right, he will give little lessons in life as we eat dinner. Sometimes it is about silly topics and sometimes it's about more serious things, like gambling and the dangers of such activities. Last night was one of those nights and after explaining to the kids verbally what it meant to gamble and lose money, he brought out the visual aides. He got the iPad out to show them pictures of slot machines and then he took it a step further and got a free slot machine game to show them how quickly people lose money when playing the slots. We started with 75 pretend dollars and within 5 minutes the kids had each had a turn gambling away all of our "riches".
After that, I left for a PTO meeting. At some point during my meeting I got a text from Tom: "Lesson NOT learn. We just hit the jackpot." Oops. I guess our lesson about the evils and wastefulness of spending our money on the slot machines backfired....as is the case with most gambling experiences, we should've quit while we were ahead.....and in our case, out of pretend money.
After that, I left for a PTO meeting. At some point during my meeting I got a text from Tom: "Lesson NOT learn. We just hit the jackpot." Oops. I guess our lesson about the evils and wastefulness of spending our money on the slot machines backfired....as is the case with most gambling experiences, we should've quit while we were ahead.....and in our case, out of pretend money.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
my name
I've been thinking about blogging about the sweet difference in the way my children address me. They each call me something different and it seems to fit with who they are and where they are in life. Julianna calls me Mama and I love it so much. It's the sweetest thing ever to hear, "I love you, Mama." Drew calls me Mommy and, again, the sweetest thing ever and so short lived. I know it's only a matter of time before he only calls me Mom. Lily calls me Mom. She has done this for a very long time. She started calling me Mom while most kids at her age were still saying mommy and daddy. She just is too grown up for mommy now.
I was going to write all about this very thing....until today. Today Julianna started calling me Mom Stivers....and that just doesn't have the same ring to it as Mama.
Oh how I love my children.
I was going to write all about this very thing....until today. Today Julianna started calling me Mom Stivers....and that just doesn't have the same ring to it as Mama.
Oh how I love my children.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Help Wanted?
I don't think I really want one....a job, that is. But good heavens. Five straight days home for snow days can make a person really consider going back to work. I love my children with all of my heart. We are all doing our best to get along and make the best of the situation...but I really feel like my kids aren't getting the best of me today. I've been a bit grumpy and snappy with them and it breaks my heart. BUT GOOD HEAVENS! WE HAVE HAD FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS OF SNOW!! Plus, the kids are only going to school two days this week because of parent teacher conferences. I will get a 30 minute break on Thursday -- total.
As we all know, I do not do well with dreary weather. Nor do I do well with hanging around the house all day long. I am just ready for an outing and something new to do. I'm also ready for children to stop hanging on me and whining and asking for snacks.
Whew. That was super whine-tastic. I hope you can forgive me for that. I just really wish my kids were at daycare right now and I was off doing some productive thing with grown ups. This feeling will pass. I promise. I much prefer being productive with my children, than without. I know that working moms often wish they could stay home on certain days or not miss the class parties or field trips. I wish there was a way to share a job with someone so that we could both get the perfect balance between staying home and working outside the home. Does that exist? If it does, I want one of those.
Thanks for listening. I'm feeling much better about the day. A little over two hours and my husband will be on his way home, dinner will be on the table, and all will be right with the world. But I better go now -- it's snack time again.
As we all know, I do not do well with dreary weather. Nor do I do well with hanging around the house all day long. I am just ready for an outing and something new to do. I'm also ready for children to stop hanging on me and whining and asking for snacks.
Whew. That was super whine-tastic. I hope you can forgive me for that. I just really wish my kids were at daycare right now and I was off doing some productive thing with grown ups. This feeling will pass. I promise. I much prefer being productive with my children, than without. I know that working moms often wish they could stay home on certain days or not miss the class parties or field trips. I wish there was a way to share a job with someone so that we could both get the perfect balance between staying home and working outside the home. Does that exist? If it does, I want one of those.
Thanks for listening. I'm feeling much better about the day. A little over two hours and my husband will be on his way home, dinner will be on the table, and all will be right with the world. But I better go now -- it's snack time again.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
bubble bursting
I think I might have traumatized some people with my last post--or at least I've burst some bubbles. I'm sorry! I know it's hard to hear, but Drew is in fact not always sweet as sugar. Don't worry. Drew is still the sweet, considerate, darling boy you imagine him to be. Just like Lily is the creative, helpful, independent, darling girl you imagine her to be. And Julianna is the sweet, funny, friendly, darling girl you imagine her to be. It's just that everybody, everywhere, has a side that isn't so darling.
Last night Drew was so tired. He had spent all day working very hard at being perfect for his teachers, working his eyes overtime to keep up, and it was the exhausting first day back at school after a full two weeks off from school. He was allowed to be grumpy. He was allowed to say things he didn't mean. He was allowed to be the bear that I know him to be sometimes. Now, just because he was allowed to be a pistol doesn't mean he didn't have consequences. But part of being safe at home is being allowed to test your outer limits. I love having a home where people are allowed to be totally, utterly, unedited. It's not always fun; it's hardly ever easy; but at least everyone at our house knows that they are loved no matter what. Lord knows there are days when I say things I don't mean, or I yell a little too loudly at my kids, or I lose my patience. It's nice to have a relationship with my children where we are allowed to make mistakes, share our feelings, and love each other through it all.
I'm pretty sure that no matter what Tom and I do, our children will grow up and find the mistakes we made. I hope that by having an open and honest relationship with them, it will provide them with a little peace about it. They are bound to think we did something wrong....but if they've spent their whole lives being allowed to be honest about how they are feeling, then I doubt the will hold back their feelings as adults. Hopefully that openness will give Tom and I a chance to give our excuses for our parenting mishaps and save our children a few dollars in therapy.
Last night Drew was so tired. He had spent all day working very hard at being perfect for his teachers, working his eyes overtime to keep up, and it was the exhausting first day back at school after a full two weeks off from school. He was allowed to be grumpy. He was allowed to say things he didn't mean. He was allowed to be the bear that I know him to be sometimes. Now, just because he was allowed to be a pistol doesn't mean he didn't have consequences. But part of being safe at home is being allowed to test your outer limits. I love having a home where people are allowed to be totally, utterly, unedited. It's not always fun; it's hardly ever easy; but at least everyone at our house knows that they are loved no matter what. Lord knows there are days when I say things I don't mean, or I yell a little too loudly at my kids, or I lose my patience. It's nice to have a relationship with my children where we are allowed to make mistakes, share our feelings, and love each other through it all.
I'm pretty sure that no matter what Tom and I do, our children will grow up and find the mistakes we made. I hope that by having an open and honest relationship with them, it will provide them with a little peace about it. They are bound to think we did something wrong....but if they've spent their whole lives being allowed to be honest about how they are feeling, then I doubt the will hold back their feelings as adults. Hopefully that openness will give Tom and I a chance to give our excuses for our parenting mishaps and save our children a few dollars in therapy.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Oh, Drew
Today I am working on allowing my children to suffer consequences that are natural to their choices. They love to push my buttons by acting crazy and not doing what they are supposed to do at dinner and bedtime. Tonight Julianna and Drew were up to no good while brushing their teeth. We heard it turn into an argument and then we heard Drew start whacking Julianna pretty hard and yelling. I went up into the bathroom and told him that because of that, he was losing his bedtime story. He was inconsolable. Out of his mind. I sent him to bed. And the following sequence of events happened:
I took him to his room and told him to calm down or I wouldn't stay and snuggle with him for bedtime. He did not calm down. I gave him another chance to calm down. He did, so I laid with him for a couple of minutes. The whole time I was with him he was complaining that he had a very bad day and nothing was good about it. I didn't really want to listen to the complaining, so it was a short snuggle. He became irate at the duration of the snuggle and began his meltdown all over again. You get the picture. I left the room and told him that I would shut his door if he didn't stay in bed. He didn't. I shut his door. His life ended. Okay, not really. But he was screaming at the top of his lungs. This went on for awhile, until he finally understood that his door would be open if he laid in bed quietly. He finally did. I left to put Julianna to bed.
I was snuggling with Julianna a few minutes later and Drew started yelling at me from his bed: "YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME HAVE BAD DREAMS! IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT AND I WILL NEVER HAVE A GOOD DREAM AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU! I JUST WANT ONE THING I ASKED FOR. JUST ONE!!! I WANT A BED TIME STORY!.........YOU ARE THE WORST MOM I EVER HAD!.....Well, that's not true.....You're my only mom.....So you can't be the worst. BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I WILL NEVER DREAM A NICE DREAM AGAIN!!"
The part about me being the worst mom ever made me laugh so I came downstairs and was whispering the story to Tom, who'd been in the garage during the screaming part of the meltdown. Apparently I am not quiet because Drew started again as soon as I was finished with me story, he said, "I CAN HEAR YOUR WHISPERING DOWN THERE! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WHISPERING ABOUT ME! Well, I guess you could be if you were talking about Christmas presents or my birthday....or maybe if I was having a party. BUT NOT ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING THAT WHISPERING! I AM NEVER GOING TO SLEEP! NOT ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS....I NEVER GO TO SLEEP ON NIGHTS LIKE THIS."
Oh, Drew. I dare say you might be more emotional than your sisters. I don't know where you got your sensitive-middle-child-complex-my-parents-don't-love-me attitude from. It couldn't be from me! *wink*
I took him to his room and told him to calm down or I wouldn't stay and snuggle with him for bedtime. He did not calm down. I gave him another chance to calm down. He did, so I laid with him for a couple of minutes. The whole time I was with him he was complaining that he had a very bad day and nothing was good about it. I didn't really want to listen to the complaining, so it was a short snuggle. He became irate at the duration of the snuggle and began his meltdown all over again. You get the picture. I left the room and told him that I would shut his door if he didn't stay in bed. He didn't. I shut his door. His life ended. Okay, not really. But he was screaming at the top of his lungs. This went on for awhile, until he finally understood that his door would be open if he laid in bed quietly. He finally did. I left to put Julianna to bed.
I was snuggling with Julianna a few minutes later and Drew started yelling at me from his bed: "YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME HAVE BAD DREAMS! IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT AND I WILL NEVER HAVE A GOOD DREAM AGAIN BECAUSE OF YOU! I JUST WANT ONE THING I ASKED FOR. JUST ONE!!! I WANT A BED TIME STORY!.........YOU ARE THE WORST MOM I EVER HAD!.....Well, that's not true.....You're my only mom.....So you can't be the worst. BUT THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I WILL NEVER DREAM A NICE DREAM AGAIN!!"
The part about me being the worst mom ever made me laugh so I came downstairs and was whispering the story to Tom, who'd been in the garage during the screaming part of the meltdown. Apparently I am not quiet because Drew started again as soon as I was finished with me story, he said, "I CAN HEAR YOUR WHISPERING DOWN THERE! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE WHISPERING ABOUT ME! Well, I guess you could be if you were talking about Christmas presents or my birthday....or maybe if I was having a party. BUT NOT ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING THAT WHISPERING! I AM NEVER GOING TO SLEEP! NOT ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS....I NEVER GO TO SLEEP ON NIGHTS LIKE THIS."
Oh, Drew. I dare say you might be more emotional than your sisters. I don't know where you got your sensitive-middle-child-complex-my-parents-don't-love-me attitude from. It couldn't be from me! *wink*
Friday, October 26, 2012
Nerd Day Update
I don't know how many of you read my Nerd Day post and are now wondering how it all turned out. But I thought I would share how everything went down.
That night while I was putting Drew to bed, we had this conversation:
Drew: A lot of kids were wearing glasses today. A. Lot.
Me: Hm. Why do you think that is?
Drew: Well, they probably saw me and thought, 'Wow, he's pretty cool and he wears glasses all the time. I want to be like him and wear pretend glasses!'
Me: Oh, Drew. I love you!
Clearly I am lucky that the nerd thing went over the heads of my kids. They never really understood it, so it was hard for them to become offended. However, I am sure there are families with older children where this wasn't the case. I hope that the situation was handled in those homes in an uplifting way. Drew is usually very sensitive about fitting in. He wants to blend in with his peer group as much as possible. So it turns out everyone wearing glasses like him was a moment of feeling accepted instead of being left out. For that I am very grateful.
I did not receive an email back from Mr. Principal Man. He said he didn't receive one. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is telling the truth. However, he and I have exchanged emails before so it seems odd that this one would have gone missing.
Mr. Principal Man and I did chat while I was at the school the next day. He said that the PTO plans the days for Red Ribbon Week and that it was an oversight on his part. He said it didn't occur to him until Monday morning that this could be a negative thing for a school so concerned with anti-bullying. He assured me that it would not happen again and encouraged me to join this particular committee on PTO next year.
My bullying post was my most read post in my blog's history. Thank you for reading! My hope is that my post served as a reminder that kindness and respect do not need to be compromised in the name of fun.
That night while I was putting Drew to bed, we had this conversation:
Drew: A lot of kids were wearing glasses today. A. Lot.
Me: Hm. Why do you think that is?
Drew: Well, they probably saw me and thought, 'Wow, he's pretty cool and he wears glasses all the time. I want to be like him and wear pretend glasses!'
Me: Oh, Drew. I love you!
Clearly I am lucky that the nerd thing went over the heads of my kids. They never really understood it, so it was hard for them to become offended. However, I am sure there are families with older children where this wasn't the case. I hope that the situation was handled in those homes in an uplifting way. Drew is usually very sensitive about fitting in. He wants to blend in with his peer group as much as possible. So it turns out everyone wearing glasses like him was a moment of feeling accepted instead of being left out. For that I am very grateful.
I did not receive an email back from Mr. Principal Man. He said he didn't receive one. I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is telling the truth. However, he and I have exchanged emails before so it seems odd that this one would have gone missing.
Mr. Principal Man and I did chat while I was at the school the next day. He said that the PTO plans the days for Red Ribbon Week and that it was an oversight on his part. He said it didn't occur to him until Monday morning that this could be a negative thing for a school so concerned with anti-bullying. He assured me that it would not happen again and encouraged me to join this particular committee on PTO next year.
My bullying post was my most read post in my blog's history. Thank you for reading! My hope is that my post served as a reminder that kindness and respect do not need to be compromised in the name of fun.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
School sponsored bullying?
I worry sometimes about being the crazy parent. I am cautious about calling very qualified educators out about something. But today I can't help but wonder what the hell the school was thinking.
This week is Red Ribbon Week. It is a week of celebrating being drug-free. Every day they choose a new, silly way to celebrate. There are endless possibilities. So this is why I can't understand how the school thinks, in elementary school, that a Nerd Day is a good way to be silly.
How does one explain the term nerd to a child? I know that by the time I was in high school I had a whole group of friends that celebrated our nerdiness. We embraced being awesome for being different. However, the idea that you can explain to a young child what it means to be a nerd is crazy. Everything good about a nerd I want my child to strive for. Nerds are smart, creative people that usually grow up to lead to the world. But this isn't something that is easy to understand for a child trying to figure out who they are. Nerd Day is a way of mocking people who are different. It's not okay. And here I thought we were trying to avoid bullying.
With all of this in mind, I couldn't help but contact the school. This is what I said:
Re: Nerd Day
Hi Mr. Principal Man,
I am emailing because something has been bothering me for a few days. I was going to let it go until today when I dropped my kids off for school and saw the other kids dressed for Nerd Day.
I have two kids at Local School. They are in kindergarten and second grade. They have both been asking me since last week what a nerd was. Now, we do not make fun of each other at home. We also do not put others down for being who they are. If you are raising your kids to be accepting of all people, it's hard to explain to them what a nerd is.
So, today, as I drop my sweet kindergartener off for school in glasses he's had since he was two years old, my heart breaks. I wonder how I will explain to him why all the kids thought that dressing like a nerd meant to wear glasses. I wonder, with all the anti-bullying talk around, how a school could be okay with this. There are so many other ways to be silly and fun and promote being drug-free.
I hope that you will take my thoughts into consideration for next year's Red Ribbon Week.
Thanks,
Taylor
This week is Red Ribbon Week. It is a week of celebrating being drug-free. Every day they choose a new, silly way to celebrate. There are endless possibilities. So this is why I can't understand how the school thinks, in elementary school, that a Nerd Day is a good way to be silly.
How does one explain the term nerd to a child? I know that by the time I was in high school I had a whole group of friends that celebrated our nerdiness. We embraced being awesome for being different. However, the idea that you can explain to a young child what it means to be a nerd is crazy. Everything good about a nerd I want my child to strive for. Nerds are smart, creative people that usually grow up to lead to the world. But this isn't something that is easy to understand for a child trying to figure out who they are. Nerd Day is a way of mocking people who are different. It's not okay. And here I thought we were trying to avoid bullying.
With all of this in mind, I couldn't help but contact the school. This is what I said:
Re: Nerd Day
Hi Mr. Principal Man,
I am emailing because something has been bothering me for a few days. I was going to let it go until today when I dropped my kids off for school and saw the other kids dressed for Nerd Day.
I have two kids at Local School. They are in kindergarten and second grade. They have both been asking me since last week what a nerd was. Now, we do not make fun of each other at home. We also do not put others down for being who they are. If you are raising your kids to be accepting of all people, it's hard to explain to them what a nerd is.
So, today, as I drop my sweet kindergartener off for school in glasses he's had since he was two years old, my heart breaks. I wonder how I will explain to him why all the kids thought that dressing like a nerd meant to wear glasses. I wonder, with all the anti-bullying talk around, how a school could be okay with this. There are so many other ways to be silly and fun and promote being drug-free.
I hope that you will take my thoughts into consideration for next year's Red Ribbon Week.
Thanks,
Taylor
I'm sure many of you see this as a benign way to have fun. I can imagine the response from my uncle, the educator, who taught me the word nerd. But this can only be fun if we like to laugh at people for being different and I see no good in that.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
the rewards of hard work
My kids now have chores. Finally. I had wondered how to implement tasks for the kids to complete without making us all crazy with nagging and threats. With some advice from a fellow mom, I came up with a list of things the kids can do to earn TV time, computer time, or just cold hard cash (up to 60 cents in a day, up to two times a week). This program has been fairly successful, as my kids are not usually guaranteed TV time everyday. We just don't have the TV on very often. With our new chore list they can make sure that they have to 60 minutes of TV in a day. Win-win.
Mostly on the list are simple things that I want my kids to do anyway. They get five minutes (or five cents) for taking their dishes over after dinner, rinsing them, and loading them in the dishwasher. They also get five minutes for brushing their teeth before bed. I feel like this gives them an easy way to have success and an easy way to make sure they are brushing their teeth. :) Both Drew and Lily also have two more difficult tasks on their list. Each of the more difficult tasks give them 15 minutes of TV time each. If they just do those two chores in a day, that's one whole TV show.
This system is great for many reasons. One of the best reasons being that if they don't do the task, they don't get the reward the next day. I don't have to nag because they know what needs to be done and they have the whole day to make sure it gets done. I do not have to be the bad guy either. They are in complete control over what chores they do and how much time in front of the TV they are rewarded with. One time Lily tried to start the "It's not fair" argument when she saw that Drew had earned more time than her. She quickly trailed off because she realized that she was in complete control of earning more time.
Now, just because I don't nag, doesn't mean that I don't gently remind them of their chores. If they are looking for something to do I might say, "Hey, you could just do your big chore really quick to make sure you get your TV time tomorrow."
Today I had to opportunity to remind Drew of his chore. I was making lunch and I had two dirty rags in the sink. I asked him to please take the rags to the laundry room for me. Then I added, "You know, your chore could be really easy right now, too. You could run upstairs and grab the basket of dirty laundry and bring it down to the laundry room with you right now."
Drew said, "No! I don't like to do my chores to earn special stuff. ...like TV....or computer....or deviled eggs! I don't even like deviled eggs!!"
I can't remember ever suggesting that deviled eggs were on the list of possible rewards. Which I suppose is a good thing because Drew doesn't even like them!
Mostly on the list are simple things that I want my kids to do anyway. They get five minutes (or five cents) for taking their dishes over after dinner, rinsing them, and loading them in the dishwasher. They also get five minutes for brushing their teeth before bed. I feel like this gives them an easy way to have success and an easy way to make sure they are brushing their teeth. :) Both Drew and Lily also have two more difficult tasks on their list. Each of the more difficult tasks give them 15 minutes of TV time each. If they just do those two chores in a day, that's one whole TV show.
This system is great for many reasons. One of the best reasons being that if they don't do the task, they don't get the reward the next day. I don't have to nag because they know what needs to be done and they have the whole day to make sure it gets done. I do not have to be the bad guy either. They are in complete control over what chores they do and how much time in front of the TV they are rewarded with. One time Lily tried to start the "It's not fair" argument when she saw that Drew had earned more time than her. She quickly trailed off because she realized that she was in complete control of earning more time.
Now, just because I don't nag, doesn't mean that I don't gently remind them of their chores. If they are looking for something to do I might say, "Hey, you could just do your big chore really quick to make sure you get your TV time tomorrow."
Today I had to opportunity to remind Drew of his chore. I was making lunch and I had two dirty rags in the sink. I asked him to please take the rags to the laundry room for me. Then I added, "You know, your chore could be really easy right now, too. You could run upstairs and grab the basket of dirty laundry and bring it down to the laundry room with you right now."
Drew said, "No! I don't like to do my chores to earn special stuff. ...like TV....or computer....or deviled eggs! I don't even like deviled eggs!!"
I can't remember ever suggesting that deviled eggs were on the list of possible rewards. Which I suppose is a good thing because Drew doesn't even like them!
Monday, June 18, 2012
middle child complex
You are starting to show signs of the dreaded middle child complex. I understand completely. The middle child thing is something we have in common.
Lately, when I give your sisters a compliment, you become jealous and ask me why I never say those things to you. I know it may not seem like I say those things to you and it's hard to hear someone else being singled out for doing something well, but I do encourage you too. It may not seem like I do, but I do.
The other day when you said that I never say nice things to you I told you something that I'd like to record for you to read later. So here it is:
Drew, I am proud of you every day. As long as you continue to make choices you can be proud of and do things in your life that make yourself feel proud, then know that I am also proud of you. You are a spectacular person so you don't need me reminding you all of the time how great you are. You just make yourself proud and that will always make me proud of you.
So, Mr. Drew, I don't want you to grow up to be the kind of person that is constantly looking for feedback from people around you. I want you to do your best, work hard, treat people with respect and kindness, and know that your mom loves you very much.
Much love,
Mom
Thursday, May 24, 2012
My Lily
I have begun to marvel at how grown up she is. She knows and understands herself better than most adults know and understand themselves. She knows her limits, her strengths, and when she could use a break.
For example, today is the last day of school. This week is also production week for her first dance recital. Production week has required Lily to go to dance in full costume every night this week through Saturday. She knows that this is a lot for her to handle. So, today, she made the choice to come home from school early to spend some time doing art and recharging so that she doesn't become over-stimulated and stressed out. Now, I'm not an advocate of missing school. But I have confidence that Lily didn't miss any important instruction today at school and she's learned a very good lesson in taking care of herself.
Yesterday I had a friend say to me: If everyone in the world had a little bit of Lily in them the world would be a better place.
That was an amazing thing to hear about my child.
As the mother of a child like Lily, there are days that feel like I am doing everything wrong. There are days that I have over-sharing, know-it-alls telling me that I've screwed up somewhere. Then there are the days that I see who Lily is, who she really is, and I know that I am doing it right. I have not screwed up. Lily is amazing just the way she is and I am lucky to witness her life. She will do great things and I will always be proud to be her mom.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
stop acting your age!
Dearest Julianna,
I am just sending a note to let you know that what you are doing is driving me crazy. Your joy in life is starting to make my life difficult. I have compiled a list of things that you think are wildly funny that shouldn't be.
1. When your parents request that you do something and you completely ignore them, it's not funny.
2. When you are put in time out for ignoring a parent, it's not funny.
3. When a grown-up becomes frustrated and angry with you when you are making poor choices, it is not funny.
4. When an adult becomes so frustrated with your poor choices that they begin to raise their voice when speaking to you, it's not funny.
5. When you are caught sneaking candy and eating it behind the furniture, it's not funny.
6. When your toys are taken away because you refuse to put them away, it's not funny.
7. When you kick and scream when it's time to put your seat belt on, it's not funny. Especially when we are late getting out the door.
8. When you run away and laugh wildly when your parents are giving you instructions, it's not funny.
9. When you play with your food at dinner or spit your drink out while we are eating, it's not funny.
10. When you get out of bed 1,000,000,000 times every night because you have one more thing to tell Mommy, it's not funny.
That being said, it is funny when you read books to yourself. It is also fun when you follow directions so that we can do fun things together. You are so funny when you tell a story or get excited about seeing Daddy come home from work. We love when you kiss us and hug us and show us how happy you are. We think it is so funny when you mispronounce words or get tongue-tied. We love watching you learn something new, help us cook in the kitchen and take care of your babies.
You are the most joyful person. But please, with all that I am, please, stop finding joy in torturing your parents.
Much love,
Mommy
I am just sending a note to let you know that what you are doing is driving me crazy. Your joy in life is starting to make my life difficult. I have compiled a list of things that you think are wildly funny that shouldn't be.
1. When your parents request that you do something and you completely ignore them, it's not funny.
2. When you are put in time out for ignoring a parent, it's not funny.
3. When a grown-up becomes frustrated and angry with you when you are making poor choices, it is not funny.
4. When an adult becomes so frustrated with your poor choices that they begin to raise their voice when speaking to you, it's not funny.
5. When you are caught sneaking candy and eating it behind the furniture, it's not funny.
6. When your toys are taken away because you refuse to put them away, it's not funny.
7. When you kick and scream when it's time to put your seat belt on, it's not funny. Especially when we are late getting out the door.
8. When you run away and laugh wildly when your parents are giving you instructions, it's not funny.
9. When you play with your food at dinner or spit your drink out while we are eating, it's not funny.
10. When you get out of bed 1,000,000,000 times every night because you have one more thing to tell Mommy, it's not funny.
That being said, it is funny when you read books to yourself. It is also fun when you follow directions so that we can do fun things together. You are so funny when you tell a story or get excited about seeing Daddy come home from work. We love when you kiss us and hug us and show us how happy you are. We think it is so funny when you mispronounce words or get tongue-tied. We love watching you learn something new, help us cook in the kitchen and take care of your babies.
Much love,
Mommy
neglectful parenting leads to resourceful children
I try and use a little neglect to promote a little independence in my children. Isn't that my job? To give kids the tools to be resourceful, smart, independent adults? I think that starts with a little bit of parental example, a little bit of parental direction, and a little bit of parental neglect.
Yesterday morning Drew told me he was ready to take his training wheels off of his bike and try out the two wheeled riding again. We have taken the training wheels off many times before but Drew, and his sense of balance, were never quite ready. So when he asked me to help him with the bike activity again, I put him off a bit. I told him I'd be out in a little while after I finished my morning chores.
This little bit of neglect prompted Drew to find the tools required to remove said training wheels; remove the wheels; and teach himself to ride a two wheeled bicycle.
Now, before you start to think that I'm the worst most terrible mom ever, please remember that I have previous helped Drew to remove the training wheels and also had spent many an afternoon chasing him around and helping him to balance on the bike. It just so happened that yesterday was the day he was actually ready to learn the skill.
Today was the day that Drew learned to do some "tricks." He thought it was super daring and awesome to ride his bike off the curb into the street right where the driveway meets the curb, and the mailbox. He did it a thousand times and then he crashed and his face landed on the mailbox post. The first official injury inducing bike crash left his face with a huge scrape, his cheek with a puffy bruise and his glasses bent completely out of whack.
He walked away from the accident and remained strong through his tears. He has recently gotten the message that he should be tough and "tough it out" when he gets hurt. I can't imagine where he got that message, TOM. But, anyway, I try and give the poor boy permission to cry when he is hurt or sad...as long as it doesn't turn into whining, you are a tough cookie in my book. I hate that gender expectations cause boys to think that have to be tough and strong all time....but that's another post.
Yesterday morning Drew told me he was ready to take his training wheels off of his bike and try out the two wheeled riding again. We have taken the training wheels off many times before but Drew, and his sense of balance, were never quite ready. So when he asked me to help him with the bike activity again, I put him off a bit. I told him I'd be out in a little while after I finished my morning chores.
This little bit of neglect prompted Drew to find the tools required to remove said training wheels; remove the wheels; and teach himself to ride a two wheeled bicycle.
Now, before you start to think that I'm the worst most terrible mom ever, please remember that I have previous helped Drew to remove the training wheels and also had spent many an afternoon chasing him around and helping him to balance on the bike. It just so happened that yesterday was the day he was actually ready to learn the skill.
Today was the day that Drew learned to do some "tricks." He thought it was super daring and awesome to ride his bike off the curb into the street right where the driveway meets the curb, and the mailbox. He did it a thousand times and then he crashed and his face landed on the mailbox post. The first official injury inducing bike crash left his face with a huge scrape, his cheek with a puffy bruise and his glasses bent completely out of whack.
He walked away from the accident and remained strong through his tears. He has recently gotten the message that he should be tough and "tough it out" when he gets hurt. I can't imagine where he got that message, TOM. But, anyway, I try and give the poor boy permission to cry when he is hurt or sad...as long as it doesn't turn into whining, you are a tough cookie in my book. I hate that gender expectations cause boys to think that have to be tough and strong all time....but that's another post.
Friday, January 27, 2012
busting out
Last night Lily didn't want to go to bed. She was so tired that she had been bouncing from the ceiling with helium balloons at 6:15. After I put her to bed, she got up. And then she got up again. And again. So I jokingly told her that if she got out of bed again I would make her sleep outside.
A few minutes later she came out of her room in her warmest pajamas and a poncho, and said, "I'm ready to sleep outside!"
"Lily! It was a threat! I was only kidding!"
She was mad! She screamed, "You cannot threaten children! If an adult threatens a child they can go to jail! YOU COULD GO TO JAIL!"
I did not engage in her argument.
This made her more angry. I then heard her yelling from her bed, "I'm going to bust one of my windows and sleep outside! You should let me sleep outside so I don't bust one of these windows! I'm going to bust right through!" (I'm thinking she just learned the term "bust.")
I still didn't engage in her argument. Oh, boy! She was really mad now.
"IF I BUST THIS WINDOW I'M NOT PAYING FOR IT! You and Dad will have to pay for it! I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHERE MY MONEY IS!!"
Hm. She underestimates me. I'm pretty sure she'd rather have me spending my money on that new sewing machine she asked for for her birthday....rather than a new window for her room.
But maybe I'm underestimating her?
A few minutes later she came out of her room in her warmest pajamas and a poncho, and said, "I'm ready to sleep outside!"
"Lily! It was a threat! I was only kidding!"
She was mad! She screamed, "You cannot threaten children! If an adult threatens a child they can go to jail! YOU COULD GO TO JAIL!"
I did not engage in her argument.
This made her more angry. I then heard her yelling from her bed, "I'm going to bust one of my windows and sleep outside! You should let me sleep outside so I don't bust one of these windows! I'm going to bust right through!" (I'm thinking she just learned the term "bust.")
I still didn't engage in her argument. Oh, boy! She was really mad now.
"IF I BUST THIS WINDOW I'M NOT PAYING FOR IT! You and Dad will have to pay for it! I DON"T EVEN KNOW WHERE MY MONEY IS!!"
Hm. She underestimates me. I'm pretty sure she'd rather have me spending my money on that new sewing machine she asked for for her birthday....rather than a new window for her room.
But maybe I'm underestimating her?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
taking notes and shaping people
I remember kindergarten. In fact, I remember the practice day you go to before you start kindergarten. I remember my teacher, the circle tables and the fact that I sat at a table of all boys. (I was pretty convinced for awhile that the reason I sat at an all boy table on the first day was because my teacher thought this Taylor was going to be a boy.) I remember choosing my first pair of glasses and my final eye surgery. I remember many, many things from when I was five and six.
I remember all of those things in pretty vivid detail and I think that's why when my children are about to turn five I get a little emotional and thoughtful. I think about what I'm saying to them. What they are experiencing and how they are feeling about everything. I wonder which moments will become ingrained in their memory and which ones will only be remembered because of my blog.
A five-year-old brain is fascinating. It is learning at lightening speed. The brain is recording language and numbers and how to tie shoes. It is identifying emotions and the power they have over lots of things. This little brain is observing how you are with manners, grammar, their siblings and your friends. They see how you talk to your spouse, how much you kiss your spouse and how often you speak negatively to your spouse. This little brain is taking notes, as only a five-year-old can. Tom and I are making very real impressions on how they will see the world.
No one is perfect and I hope that I'm not implying that you should be. What I'm trying to say is, you should do your best. And when you're not doing your best, tell your child about it. If you speak rudely to your spouse in front of the children, make sure your children also see you apologize. If you lose your temper with your child over something silly, take steps to help them see you're working on not getting upset over silly things. Make sure that you apologize to them. Share what you feel like when you're angry and what you do to feel calm afterward. Then try to be more understanding next time they lose their temper. Then maybe you could come up with ways for them to cope with anger in a healthy way and remember back to when you lost your temper so that they feel like they are understood and not that they are bad.
No one talks about this too much. I think people know that they are teaching manners and reading and how to tie shoes. But I don't think people are thinking about what your kids hear you say about the neighbors, about politics, religion or relationships. I don't think people spend a lot of time thinking about the fact that the way the greet their spouse when they get home from work is making a lasting impression on their child right now. But it is. If you want to raise a kind, loving, hardworking adult, then you need to make sure that you live your life as a kind, loving, hardworking adult.
After that you just have to keep your fingers crossed they don't pick up too many of the bad habits that you think you're doing without them noticing. Because guess what, they are noticing . They took note and it may have an impact on who they become.
I remember all of those things in pretty vivid detail and I think that's why when my children are about to turn five I get a little emotional and thoughtful. I think about what I'm saying to them. What they are experiencing and how they are feeling about everything. I wonder which moments will become ingrained in their memory and which ones will only be remembered because of my blog.
A five-year-old brain is fascinating. It is learning at lightening speed. The brain is recording language and numbers and how to tie shoes. It is identifying emotions and the power they have over lots of things. This little brain is observing how you are with manners, grammar, their siblings and your friends. They see how you talk to your spouse, how much you kiss your spouse and how often you speak negatively to your spouse. This little brain is taking notes, as only a five-year-old can. Tom and I are making very real impressions on how they will see the world.
No one is perfect and I hope that I'm not implying that you should be. What I'm trying to say is, you should do your best. And when you're not doing your best, tell your child about it. If you speak rudely to your spouse in front of the children, make sure your children also see you apologize. If you lose your temper with your child over something silly, take steps to help them see you're working on not getting upset over silly things. Make sure that you apologize to them. Share what you feel like when you're angry and what you do to feel calm afterward. Then try to be more understanding next time they lose their temper. Then maybe you could come up with ways for them to cope with anger in a healthy way and remember back to when you lost your temper so that they feel like they are understood and not that they are bad.
No one talks about this too much. I think people know that they are teaching manners and reading and how to tie shoes. But I don't think people are thinking about what your kids hear you say about the neighbors, about politics, religion or relationships. I don't think people spend a lot of time thinking about the fact that the way the greet their spouse when they get home from work is making a lasting impression on their child right now. But it is. If you want to raise a kind, loving, hardworking adult, then you need to make sure that you live your life as a kind, loving, hardworking adult.
After that you just have to keep your fingers crossed they don't pick up too many of the bad habits that you think you're doing without them noticing. Because guess what, they are noticing . They took note and it may have an impact on who they become.
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Star of Pooty Pout Radio: Drew
Today has been a good day. We got Lily off to school on time (barely), I came home and cleaned the kitchen and then Drew, Julianna I headed to the Kansas State Fair.
We love the Fair. Today happened to be the day that we went with Drew's preschool. We stayed with the class long enough to go through the animal barns (yuck) and get a free scoop of ice cream before we headed off to watch the marching bands. The kids and I love the marching bands. Drew, Julianna and I sat through at least five different bands' performances before we took a break to have lunch. After lunch we went and did art projects at the Do Art building and sat through the pig races.
All in all it was a great morning. We had lots of fun and did just enough to not get over tired. We headed home to catch the tail end of Tom's lunch break and Julianna laid down for her nap. After Julianna was asleep Drew and I played a few rounds of Uno and Old Maid before I told him I needed to get some chores done....this did not go over well.
Now we are towards the middle of our afternoon. We will leave to pick-up Lily in about 45 minutes. Last year during school this used to be my favorite part of the day. Nap time was glorious. It was quiet and wonderful and no one had any expectations for what needed to to be done. I could do laundry or sit and surf the Internet. It just didn't matter. This year, not so much.
Drew is in the middle of a terrible phase. He sort of needs a nap sometimes, but not really all the time. If his bed time could be shifted to a later time (say, 8:30) then he would still take a daily nap. However, we get up at 6:30 every morning and Lily goes to bed at 7, so it's better if Drew doesn't take a nap so that everyone is going to bed at roughly the same time.
I pay for the early bedtime routine now. I pay in hours and hours of whining from Drew. And hours and hours of being pulled on, climbed over, hung on, and so forth. It's just not fun to be around Drew from about noon until 7 pm everyday. I am unaware of a solution to this problem. Drew has always been a bit...well, moody. But he usually was in a good mood most of the time. The rarity of the bad moods mad them easier to handle. Now there are fewer and fewer good moods and more and more bad moods. He actually has be at my wits end.
Right now the only thing I can come up with to solve my problem is to lock him in the closet...but that wouldn't be best because then he would just whine louder....and maybe call the authorities.
We love the Fair. Today happened to be the day that we went with Drew's preschool. We stayed with the class long enough to go through the animal barns (yuck) and get a free scoop of ice cream before we headed off to watch the marching bands. The kids and I love the marching bands. Drew, Julianna and I sat through at least five different bands' performances before we took a break to have lunch. After lunch we went and did art projects at the Do Art building and sat through the pig races.
All in all it was a great morning. We had lots of fun and did just enough to not get over tired. We headed home to catch the tail end of Tom's lunch break and Julianna laid down for her nap. After Julianna was asleep Drew and I played a few rounds of Uno and Old Maid before I told him I needed to get some chores done....this did not go over well.
Now we are towards the middle of our afternoon. We will leave to pick-up Lily in about 45 minutes. Last year during school this used to be my favorite part of the day. Nap time was glorious. It was quiet and wonderful and no one had any expectations for what needed to to be done. I could do laundry or sit and surf the Internet. It just didn't matter. This year, not so much.
Drew is in the middle of a terrible phase. He sort of needs a nap sometimes, but not really all the time. If his bed time could be shifted to a later time (say, 8:30) then he would still take a daily nap. However, we get up at 6:30 every morning and Lily goes to bed at 7, so it's better if Drew doesn't take a nap so that everyone is going to bed at roughly the same time.
I pay for the early bedtime routine now. I pay in hours and hours of whining from Drew. And hours and hours of being pulled on, climbed over, hung on, and so forth. It's just not fun to be around Drew from about noon until 7 pm everyday. I am unaware of a solution to this problem. Drew has always been a bit...well, moody. But he usually was in a good mood most of the time. The rarity of the bad moods mad them easier to handle. Now there are fewer and fewer good moods and more and more bad moods. He actually has be at my wits end.
Right now the only thing I can come up with to solve my problem is to lock him in the closet...but that wouldn't be best because then he would just whine louder....and maybe call the authorities.
Monday, June 27, 2011
hiding the evidence
Drew came in from the garage with his face covered in chocolate syrup. He then shows me a bottle of the stuff in his hand. "I found this in the garage, Mom," he says. I said, "Oh yeah. Did you eat some?"
"No."
"Hmm....how did it get all over your face?"
"It must of spilled all over my face and arms."
At least he tried to bring me the chocolate. It's too bad he failed to keep the evidence off of his face.
I didn't take a picture because I didn't want to imply finding and sneaking half a bottle of chocolate syrup was a good thing.
It should also be noted that Julianna came in from the garage covered in the stuff.
Lily didn't have a speck on her. She's quite experienced at these sorts of escapades.
"No."
"Hmm....how did it get all over your face?"
"It must of spilled all over my face and arms."
At least he tried to bring me the chocolate. It's too bad he failed to keep the evidence off of his face.
I didn't take a picture because I didn't want to imply finding and sneaking half a bottle of chocolate syrup was a good thing.
It should also be noted that Julianna came in from the garage covered in the stuff.
Lily didn't have a speck on her. She's quite experienced at these sorts of escapades.
Monday, May 23, 2011
a tiny breakthrough
It used to be that I would often do something I thought I would never do. I would often clean up Lily's messes without even asking her to help. I mostly did this to avoid a battle. If there is one thing in parenting that I won't budge on, it's follow through. If I ask a kid to do something then I better be ready to follow through to the bitter end. Often I did not have the energy for the follow through required with my oldest child, so I just did it myself.
As the year has progressed, Lily has matured. She is much more likely to do what I ask, when I ask. It's a breakthrough, to be sure. However, it still took me awhile to get in the habit of making her clean up after herself. I did sometimes, but not much. I was gun shy from the early years, I guess.
I started with baby steps. I started with making sure that she was the one to hang up her backpack, put her shoes away and take her lunch box to the kitchen after school. Then I amped it up a bit. I started making her throw out the trash from her lunch box. And then finally, we graduated to making sure that if she got something out and brought it into the living room, bathroom, or kitchen, she was required to put it away.
I am happy to report that we no longer have battles to rival the Civil War. I am now just a mild annoyance to her everyday escapades. She generally does what I ask her to do without trouble. However, these days I am hearing a lot of "You make me do EVERYTHING at this house!" or "You don't make Drew or Julianna do all this cleaning!" or "I'm the ONLY ONE that has to do ANYTHING! You don't help me with ANYTHING anymore!!"
Now, mostly, this makes me laugh to myself. And for the record, Lily gets the behavior to avoid cleaning up tasks...or really anything her parents ask her to do....from me. It's true. I have to own the hours and hours and hours I went round and round and round with my parents (mostly Dad). I would still avoid these tasks if I wasn't the grown up. Also, the willingness to help, natural tendency to clean up after himself and general organization skills my son possesses, did not come from me.
As the year has progressed, Lily has matured. She is much more likely to do what I ask, when I ask. It's a breakthrough, to be sure. However, it still took me awhile to get in the habit of making her clean up after herself. I did sometimes, but not much. I was gun shy from the early years, I guess.
I started with baby steps. I started with making sure that she was the one to hang up her backpack, put her shoes away and take her lunch box to the kitchen after school. Then I amped it up a bit. I started making her throw out the trash from her lunch box. And then finally, we graduated to making sure that if she got something out and brought it into the living room, bathroom, or kitchen, she was required to put it away.
I am happy to report that we no longer have battles to rival the Civil War. I am now just a mild annoyance to her everyday escapades. She generally does what I ask her to do without trouble. However, these days I am hearing a lot of "You make me do EVERYTHING at this house!" or "You don't make Drew or Julianna do all this cleaning!" or "I'm the ONLY ONE that has to do ANYTHING! You don't help me with ANYTHING anymore!!"
Now, mostly, this makes me laugh to myself. And for the record, Lily gets the behavior to avoid cleaning up tasks...or really anything her parents ask her to do....from me. It's true. I have to own the hours and hours and hours I went round and round and round with my parents (mostly Dad). I would still avoid these tasks if I wasn't the grown up. Also, the willingness to help, natural tendency to clean up after himself and general organization skills my son possesses, did not come from me.
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