science lessons

Life has been crazy. I couldn't decide if I was going to blog about this or not. The story has the potential to embarrass my lovely daughter one day. However, today she doesn't mind talking about her digestive system, so I'm going to move forward with this story. I'm fully prepared to take this post down when the time comes.

Over Christmas we don't do a lot of healthy eating. Who does? It's Christmas! I become pretty lax when it comes to adhering to any sort of healthy diet. We limit sweets - sort of. And even if I was limiting sweets more than I did, this time of year our meals don't include a lot of fruits and veggies. It's just the way it is. We try to jump back on the healthy eating wagon when it comes by in January.

Christmas night Lily came out of the bathroom and informed me that she had had trouble going to the bathroom. I explained to her that our current unhealthy eating habits could be to blame. I said that healthy fruits and veggies help to make our digestive system work better and all our sweets had slowed that business down. (ha ha)

Lily took this information very seriously. She ran immediately to my grandparents kitchen and demanded some fruits and vegetables. She ate carrots, celery and an orange. That's the thing about Lily. She takes facts and science to heart. If fruits and veggies is what her body needs, then she will do her best to make healthy choices. Now, if I could just prove to her that following mommy and daddy's instructions was also beneficial to her health- we'd be golden.

Style Series: paisley and plaid

Drew is obsessed with being fancy and wearing a tie everyday. No matter what. So, I snapped a few shots of him...caught him acting like a true Stivers boy! :) haha

Christmas to do's

To do (before Christmas Eve):

make fudge

bake cookies

wrap presents

mail final gifts

catch up on laundry

take Lily to swimming lesson

take Julianna to surgery follow-up appointment

remove porch

Style Series: Tis the season for layers!

just a bit of bragging...

Lily has turned into quite a swimmer. I have talked about it on the blog before...but I feel like she's reached a new level of skill this session of lessons. The girl is diving in and swimming freestyle to the other end of the pool! Without stopping! :) Lily has also been  swimming backstroke the length of the pool, diving for rings, doing handstands and under water somersaults! I can't help but share that Lily is still just five years old and the other students in her class are 9, 11 and 12! Her teacher has been bragging about how awesome Lily is all session.

Christmas break starts next Wednesday. I think you'll find Lily and I at the pool at least a couple of times during her holiday. It's fun and it will give her a chance to burn off some of the energy she seems to have an endless supply of. The only problem with this plan might be getting Lily to leave the pool when it's time to go home.

Our very own Cindy Lou Who?

finding joy

I have ADHD. However, I don't think that I have ever really explained the type of ADHD that I have. I know that when most people are imagining a person with this disorder they are imagining a hyper, disorganized person. Well, for me, I am only half of that presumed description. My type is called 'innattentive' and it is a ADHD sub-type. I have trouble explaining what that means exactly, so I googled it for you. This is what I found on Wikipedia:

"ADHD-PI is different from the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, forgetfulness, and lethargy (fatigue), but with less or none of the symptoms of hyperactivity or impulsiveness typical of the other ADHD subtypes. In some cases, children who enjoy learning may develop a sense of fear when faced with structured or planned work, especially long or group-based that requires extended focus, even if they thoroughly understand the topic. Children with ADHD-PI may be at greater risk of academic failures and early withdrawal from school. Teachers and parents may make incorrect assumptions about the behaviours and attitudes of a child with undiagnosed ADHD-PI, and may provide them with frequent and erroneous negative feedback (e.g. "you're irresponsible", "you're lazy", "you don't care/show any effort", "you just aren't trying", etc.)."

So, for me the disorder manifests differently then the stereotypical ADHD case. Instead of being hyper and unfocused, I am unfocused and lethargic. I have struggled my whole life with keeping my energy up and engaging in activities. My inability to maintain focus, my lack of motivation and my general lack of drive was just a part of who I was.

I managed to get by in school for a long time only because I was pretty smart and so I was able to stay ahead of the curve. However, I can pinpoint the time in my life that the ADHD became too much for me to overcome academically. It was fifth grade that I was moved from the 'high' math class (and reading and everything else for that matter). I think that that is the point in any person's education where you are required to learn, retain and apply what your learn. At that point you are also required to do more outside of class, remember assignments and study for tests. That is when I could no longer keep up appearances. The material became hard for me to focus on in class and impossible to take home to work on.

As I got older, my symptoms appeared to be more depression than ADHD. I mean, in the 1990s girls were not even thought of to have ADHD; especially not quiet girls that managed to appear like they were paying attention. I took all of the negative that was happening at school and internalized it. I was failing to live up to the standards that I had set for myself, for what appeared to be no reason at all. I felt sad, lazy and stupid.

As I entered high school my self confidence was zero and my grades were so-so. I had no explanation as to why I felt different from my peers or why I couldn't keep up academically with my friends. I remember sitting in class just waiting for the bell to ring. I was retaining no information and I, to this day, do not remember studying for tests. At all. I rarely did homework and I used swimming as my outlet.

 At that time in my life the only reasonable explanation for us was that I was depressed. I have been on some form of an antidepressant since I was 15 years old. I think that it helped some, but not a lot. It helped me to feel empowered, like I was doing something about my problems. However, it did nothing to help me actually solve any of the problems. I continued to struggle in school. I continued to struggle in relationships. And I continued to struggle with energy and focus.

Sadly, it was not until I was 26 years old that I finally got a diagnosis and found an explanation for my symptoms. And then it was another three years before I was able to try the medications to help relieve those symptoms. During my first years as a mother I struggled with a lack of energy and focus and I was totally disorganized. All incredibly bad traits for a mother to have.

It was not until I was 29 and a mother to three small children that I began taking stimulants. It was completely life changing for me. The medication helps with my energy, organization, focus and seems to wake my brain up. I can't say enough for what modern medicine has done for my quality of life. 

The most recent development regarding my medications is that I have completely stopped taking antidepressants. I am so excited about this! The stimulants have removed my lack of motivation, which  has helped me to remove my negative self image. The stimulants coupled with a regular workout have relieved all depression symptoms.

All these years...wow. Now that I understand and treat my disorder, there is no more room in my life for depression. I cannot put into words how amazing that is. I don't think that I could ever explain to people the internal personal shift this has caused for me. It has been nothing but a positive thing for myself, my marriage, my children and my relationships in general. It makes me want to find all the little girls like me...the ones that don't know or understand why they are different. I want to find them, and tell them, and save them from any extra bumps in their road to adulthood. And then I want to celebrate with them. Celebrate the amazing gift of ADHD, because it truly is a gift.

boots, birds and hanging out

(Lily is resisting getting dressed but it's time to leave for Drew's basketball game. She has a pair of furry ugg boots that are way too big so she slips and slides and flops around when she wears them.)
Me: Here! Here! Put your socks on! We gotta go!
Lily: I'm going to wear my furry boots. I like my furry boots!
Me: You're going to wear those terrible boots?! The thing I hate most in the whole entire world?!
Lily: You don't hate these boots most in the world! You hate poop and the smell of poop most in the world!
             
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We went to drop off a donation at the Goodwill. There was a huge crowd of crazy birds in the parking lot and our van was headed straight for them. I made the "REE! REE! REE!" screeching sound under my breath to Tom and comment on how creepy the birds are.
Lily: Hey! I know that bird!
Drew: Oh yeah?! What's his name?

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Yesterday I trimmed Drew's fingernails. I noticed on one of his thumbs that he had a hangnail. I commented to him about it and told him we would trim it off. Today at lunch he said: Mom! My thumb hurts! Fix it! My nail is hanging out again!

Recent Drew quotes

(comes out of his room with a bag full of toys hung across his shoulders) "I've just been to the University of Kansas. They are very nice there. They gave me a G.I. Joe."

When he was told that we weren't going to make it to the hospital to visit the new baby until the following morning: "That makes me very sad. Lily, are you sure you don't want to go see the baby? I'm sure he is very cute."

Drew: Why do you need medicine?
Me: Because it helps my brain.
Drew: What does it do?

Me: The medicine has chemicals in it that my brain needs.

Drew: What is it called?

Me: Ritalin.

Drew: Do they have chocolate in them?

Me: No, but they should.

Drew: Do you know that your brain is gross inside?

brokenhearted

Julianna has decided that she's not a baby anymore. Yesterday at nap time she asked to sleep in a big bed so I moved her mattress to the floor to try it out. I'm happy to say that it went well. She napped just fine and came out of her room only when she woke up.

Today she asked me if we could do the crib mattress on the floor again. I decided to give her another try. I am definitely not ready to move her to a big bed yet, but it's okay to try it out once in awhile. So, we moved the bed to the floor and I tucked her in and left. I didn't even make it to the kitchen before I heard her leave her room. I found her in Drew's room looking through his toys. I picked her up and told her that that was not a good idea. I then took her in her room and put the crib mattress back in the crib. I told her that if she's a big girl then she has to stay in her bed for nap time.

Her reaction was heartbreaking. She just stood there without crying or talking. I could see her bottom lip quivering, but she never cried. I hugged her and kissed her and told her we would try the big girl bed again tomorrow. I laid her down in the crib and just kept telling her that she's was okay, she wasn't in trouble and that I loved her. She never responded. She still is quiet in her bed. Wow. I would almost rather she have a temper tantrum because this devastated reaction is terrible! I feel so bad for her! I am sure she's fine and has already recovered from this incident, but I feel so bad for breaking the poor girl's heart.

This is not the first time I have made her sad, nor will it be the last. But that girl really knows how to pull on her mother's heart strings! When she figures that out we're all going to be in trouble!

curly cue

Check out the ringlets on this girl! I love looking at old pictures but it's still hard to believe that this picture was taken five years ago. What a grown-up girl I have now.

sleep log conclusion

I am feeling a little guilty about my sleep log. I still haven't gotten a good night sleep this week, but I have these friends that are worse off than me. I suddenly feel silly about my hour of lost sleep when I think about my friends.

I have one friend with babies that are six months old. Yes, two babies. She has twins that are not sleeping through the night. She is a nursing mother and so it seems that she is feeding a baby around the clock. It is very rare for her that both babies are sleeping soundly in their cribs. Mostly, she feeds one, falls asleep during the feeding, and then gets up when the other baby cries. Not easy. Drew was like that. Wanting to be fed and held around the clock...but I cannot fathom having to take care of two Drews during that period. I would have had to have been drugged or something. So, my hat is off to this friend and mother of twins. She is the rock star, not me!

I also have another friend. She has two babies, too. But, hers are 12 months apart. They are at different stages, have different needs and are not sleeping through the night. Generally, at 12 months a baby is a mobile mess-making machine. When they eat the are covered from head to toe in goo. They pour out their drinks, crumble their crackers and throw plates of food on the floor just to see what will happen.  They are into everything, discovering everything and exploring anything that they can get their hands on. And if they can't get their hands on it, they will climb and bend and risk life and limb to get to what they want. Not an easy stage! Now, top that with a newborn that is in need of constant care and needs to be fed every two to three hours. I'm pretty sure when dealing with such stress a mother may be living in survival mode. Simply trying to make sure that everyone is fed and safe throughout the day...day after day after day.

So, I am concluding the sleep log. When you have kids it's just a general rule that you will not actually be sleeping again for the rest of the time they are living in your house. Okay, so maybe it will get better...but, for now, I am resigned to the fact that my sleep life will never be the same.

life, love and the pursuit of happiness

My best friend doesn't live in the same town as me. She is not married, has no children and is a full time graduate student in clinical psychology. She is four years younger than me, is not sure if she'll ever have children and is currently deciding what to do before beginning her PhD. Her life does not mirror mine at all. Our lives really have nothing in common. Our friendship does not revolve around commonality of situation or lifestyle. Our friendship comes from a different place all together. It is a hard thing to explain - she is my person. Sarah and I have been friends for a long time and I cannot imagine my life without her. In some ways, she is the reason I am who I am.

Often when people get married they think that their new spouse should provide all things emotionally. However, I think that people are underestimating the importance of girlfriends. There are just things that friends provide for your soul that you can't get from a spouse. This is not to say that Tom is not my perfect mate, because he is. He is exactly what I need in a partner. I am just saying that Sarah, and all of my other girlfriends for that matter, offer something to me emotionally that my partner can't.

After reading the above paragraphs, I am thinking that you're thinking that I'm pretty lucky to have such a friend. You are thinking that friends like that are hard to find. You're right. I am lucky; and friends like Sarah are hard to find.

Now, would it change the way you felt about my friend if you knew that she is gay? Would you think less of my friendship?

I hope not.

Right now, in our country, there are so many things that Sarah cannot do specifically because she is gay. How can this be true? How can such a smart, funny, amazing person not fall in love and get married without harassment? How can it be AGAINST THE LAW for her to pursue joy? Now, I know that marriage isn't for everyone, and who am I to say that Sarah even wants to get married? I understand that it's not a goal for some people. But how can the option not even be there for a person? How can our government decide who Sarah should love? It just doesn't make sense.

I don't know if this post is flowing very well. I have some pretty strong feelings on this subject and it's hard to get my brain to organize everything I really want to say. That said - Just like you can't judge a book by it's cover, you can't judge a person by their sexuality.

Studies show that if you know someone in your personal life that is gay, then you are more likely to be open to gay rights. So, if you don't know someone who is gay (highly unlikely) then imagine that your brother is gay. Or your daughter, uncle, cousin or best friend is. Now, imagine telling them that they do not have the same rights as you do, simply because they are a homosexual. How can that be? How can you love a person less because of it?

I know that many of you could come to me with many reasons why you think, the Bible thinks or society thinks that being gay is some how a bad thing. Obviously, you will not be convincing me. My love for Sarah comes from a higher place then you can understand. This blog is my only platform for change. It is the only place that I can put what I believe to be true out there for the world to see. I know that I have fewer than 100 readers so I doubt that my little blog is going to do much to change my community. But, this issue is important enough that if I open just one reader's mind a tiny bit in love, then I did something. One tiny step in the right direction. Believe it or not, the world is changing. Someday I hope that you find yourself on my side of the issue...because that is where love resides.