Max and Mary sittin' in a tree...

k-i-s-s-i-n-g!...first comes love...then comes marriage...the comes my mama in a baby carriage...

Today my grandparents are celebrating 56 years of marriage.


My grandpa, Papaw, says that the first time he noticed my Mamaw she was on her way to play tennis with her sister. He thought that she was looking pretty cute in her tennis shorts. Apparently all 18-19 year old boys are the same.

My grandma, Mamaw, wore his class ring upside down so that it read, "H.O.W." for his initials, instead of "M.O.H." I think she wanted to keep the identity of her new beau under wraps. If you knew her, that would not shock you one bit.

They were married young. Mamaw was only eighteen. Eighteen!

I would imagine that their early years of marriage were not easy ones. Papaw was pursuing a bachelors degree and Mamaw had my mom the very next January. And then, while Papaw was still going to school, Mamaw had my uncle John two years after that. And then my uncle David three years after that.

I don't know the logistics or really remember the details...but they moved a lot. No, really. A LOT. And Papaw finished a bachelors degree, masters degree and PhD in there somewhere. I cannot fathom being my Mamaw during that time. A young wife and mother trying to run a household, while Papaw worked and went to school. I do not know how she maintained her sanity during that time. Some days, when I'm thinking about whining about having a hard day, I think of Mamaw. With her three young children, hand washing her clothes, making dinners from scratch and doing most everything on her own.

I admire my grandparents for so many things. They are both amazingly smart, driven and well respected by all who know them. But I think what I admire most is the apparent love they have for each other. No, they do not agree about everything. And, no, they do not speak sweetly to each other every moment. But they do make each other laugh, share a mutual respect and it is obvious to anyone watching that they love each other deeply.

My grandparents have always been a big part of my life. Their home has been a safe haven for me during some of my darkest times- a home away from home. I feel so proud to be their granddaughter. And I count myself lucky to be witness to such an amazing marriage.

a new chapter begins

I've been thinking about this post for weeks. I wondered what I would say. How I would feel. Now, I am still wondering what to say. And I'm still wondering how I feel.

Yesterday I ended a chapter in my life. A chapter so long that I don't remember it starting.

My mom says she took me to my first optometry appointment when I was six months old. My left eye would drift off a lot and she was worried about it.

At two I had my first surgery. The doctors had told my parents that if they didn't fix my eyes right away, I would become blind in my left eye. I had another corrective surgery at four years old. And then another one at six. I wore a patch on my right eye off and on for years. We had to put painful eye drops in my eyes everyday for over two years. And I got my first pair of glasses in kindergarten.

In a way, my eyes, and the struggle surrounding them, has defined a big part of me. I can't tell you how many times my vision, or lack of vision, has affected me. Some examples include: I couldn't read street signs until I was on top of them; I couldn't read the score of the basketball game; I could never sit too far away from teh front of the classroom; and I've never been able to spot things at a distance. I didn't see my first shooting star until I was well into my teens. I cannot imagine how many times someone has said to me, "Wow! Look over there! DID YOU SEE THAT?!" The answer was usually no, but sometimes I would just go along with the fun...despite missing whatever awesomeness everyone else was witnessing.

Now, I totally get that these things are not a big deal. I definitely could have gone the rest of my life wearing contacts and missing street signs. I was happy, healthy and well adjusted.

But, yesterday my life changed dramatically all the same. Yesterday, I had my fourth eye surgery. Except this one actually fixed my eyes. Today when I went for my follow-up I read the line on the eye chart that equals 20/20 vision. Me, who two days ago, couldn't see the big E on the chart. Me, who two days ago couldn't read the 20/20 line with my glasses on.

Today I have to keep reminding myself that I don't have contacts in. I am seeing things that I've never seen before. I am reading street signs a block or so before I arrive to the street.

I know that there are bigger things in life...but for me, this is big. My whole life I have dreamed of waking up in the morning and just seeing. I had always thought that to open my eyes and see would be the greatest gift.

That day has arrived.

My mind is blown.

My life will never be the same.

And I am so incredibly grateful.

So grateful.

The story goes

It was the 1970s. My dad, (before he was my dad) had shoulder length blond hair. He drove a baby blue pick up truck that he'd painted himself.  He and his two friends sat three across in the pick up on Main Street while they waited on a red light.

His friend by the passenger side window tossed a bit of trash out.

My dad sat through a green light. And another red one.

My dad's buddy Roger leaned over to the other guy on the end and told him, "Brad's pretty serious about littering. You might want to hop out and get that or we're going to be sitting here for awhile."

That's the way the story goes.

Well, I believe that the passion for making sure trash makes it to the trash can has been passed down to my daughter.

We walk Lily home from school on most days. And on most days Lily gathers trash along the way. (I should really invest in some latex gloves.)

Today, as she gathered trash, she was saying loudly as we walked, "People! You shouldn't litter! It causes air pollution and gets into our lungs when we breathe! Littering is BAD!"

I believe I have a tree hugging little hippie on my hands. Gotta love that girl!

some things that have happened recently

Lily lost her first (and second) tooth. I can't believe she is old enough for such a milestone, but I'm sure I'm going to be saying that for the rest of her life. She lost it at school, in the hallway, on the way to PE. I was a tiny bit sad that it didn't happen at home, but I'm so excited for her. What a cool memory...losing your first tooth at school.

I don't have much of a story about this picture. The week before we were stuck at home with sickness, it had been too cold to walk to pick up Lily from school. When we walk to school we don't have to leave until 3 o'clock. But, when we have to drive and find a good parking spot, we have to leave around 2:35. That week I had to wake Julianna up from her nap everyday. I hate waking a sleeping child...but she did look so cute!

That was also the week that Drew moved to a booster seat. He doesn't actually weigh enough to move to a traditional booster seat, which is okay with me. He, instead, moved to a modified carseat with a 5 point harness. I feel like he's safe and he feels like a big boy. Win-Win.

Could someone call the Waaa-mbulance?

I know there are starving children in Africa.

I know there are mothers who walk 5 miles one way just to get fresh drinking water for the family.

I know that my life is a privileged one. And that I am a spoiled American girl.

But....can I just say....WAAAA!!!!!

13 days ago Drew threw up on me. Exactly one week later, just when we thought we were in the clear, Julianna threw up all over my parents' kitchen while Tom and I attended a wedding.

That Sunday I spent most of the day with a clingy Julianna. I ducked out of the house for about 2 hours to spend some time with my dear friend Shanna....had I known that that was the last time I would see the light of day...I would have made it a three or four our coffee date. Alas, we cannot foresee these things.

Monday (MLKJ Day) I thought everyone was feeling better. Until Julianna threw up all over her bed at naptime. But, that's okay. Lily would be going back to school on Tuesday...so at least we wouldn't all be going stir crazy sitting on top of each other. Right?

Wrong. At approximately 3 AM CDT Lily started throwing up. It snuck up on her...so she threw up in her bed and then on her carpet on the way to the bathroom.

Tom was also feeling like he was coming down with something and said that he couldn't clean it up. With my new found puke confidence I tiptoed into her room. Confidence gone. I couldn't do it.

Tom ended up cleaning it all up. We all got back to bed, and to sleep, just in time to hear Lily say, "My tummy hurts again. BLECH!!!!" all over the kitchen floor.

Stuck at home Tuesday. And Wednesday. Because Lily had run a fever all day Tuesday....but, I made it. She would go back to school on Thursday. Right?

Wrong again. Ice storm. School cancelled. I cry. Meanwhile, Tom is getting sicker.

Thank heaven for good friends. Andrea invited the troops and I to her house for the morning on Thursday. We went to my mom's house for the afternoon. I finally managed an errand so that I could get Drew birthday presents.

Friday. Everyone goes back to school. Drew's birthday, happy day. Oh, wait. Lily has early release. Everyone is home by 1 PM- except Tom...

Tom is very busy at work. Huge deadline, very little time. He's getting sicker.

Friday night poor Tom drags in with pizzas for Drew birthday dinner. We eat. Sing. Blow out candles. Put the children to bed.

Saturday. 1 AM. Julianna is up with a very bad diarrhea diaper.

3 AM Julianna is up again. I don't hear her cry (Tom is the one with the good ears...but he's passed out with NyQuil). I don't hear her cry...so she screams. And Howls. I come....everyone is awake.

No one went back to sleep. Lily started running to the bathroom a few times. A little too late once (or twice).

No one went back to sleep.

Drew's special birthday trip is postponed. Mommy's admittance to a mental hospital moved up.

Drew Emerson is 4 today

Dear Drew,

Today is your fourth birthday. You are a very smart boy. So smart, that today you told me that some babies are made in the oven with hot dogs. I think I was in junior high before I knew how babies were made, so you're way ahead of the game. When I told you that I loved your brain, you said, yeah, it knows lots of stuff!

This year you've really gotten into sports. You tried soccer out in the spring and then started basketball in the fall. You say that you like basketball most. You have learned to dribble and shoot a pretty good basket. We love going to watch your games...and so do you! Sometimes you're on the court checking out what everyone else is doing rather than participating in the game. That's is happening less and less, though. I think as the games go on you've really started to catch on.

You love to be a helper. You are always getting your tools to help Dad out with a project. Or your offering to put clean dishes away out of the dishwasher or set the table for dinner. I wonder how long you actually enjoy these tasks...but I know that you will always have the helping spirit.

You are sometimes wise beyond your years. I see it everyday, but most obviously over Christmas. At a gift exchange at school, you saw that your friend had not received very much from Santa's visit. You were so willing to give some of your gift away to your friend. You didn't resist at all. I know that you didn't understand what a huge gesture that was, but know that I don't know many three year old willing to share much of anything. Your kindness does not go unnoticed.

This year you have also shown some serious bravery. This spring you were hooked with a major lure. You had to have it surgically removed and had to go with the doctor into the operating room all by yourself. What a strong and brave boy you were! 

Speaking of brave...this year you also finally felt comfortable in the water. You were swimming around all by yourself and even jumped off the dock by yourself. So many times, in fact, that you got a rash from your life jacket rubbing you raw.

One more thing that I'd like to remember about this year. Naps. You are still taking naps! Well, I'm thinking that you're finally ready to give up the daily nap (although, if we could move bedtime to 8 PM instead of 7, you'd still take one everyday). Since school started in August we have gotten in the habit of laying down together for your nap. We snuggle up and go to sleep. I know that my snuggle days are numbered, so I'm trying to soak up as many as I can get. You are so sweet. At nap time you try to make sure that you are laying so close to me that every part of you is touching me. I'm going to miss your naps and all our snuggles.

I have so enjoyed this year of getting to know you more and more as you grow. You bring joy to me every day. I appreciate so much the humor and kindness that you bring to our family. Lily and Julianna are so lucky to have a brother that treats them so lovingly (most of the time). Dad and I are so lucky to have a son that makes us laugh everyday.

I can't wait to see what's next!

Love,

Mommy

raising an artist

Lily leaves her artistic mark wherever she can. I thought I would share a bit of her work on here. These a few of the things you would see if you took a walk through our house:

Lily painted this for me for my birthday. She took down something I had hanging here because she thought hers would look better...she was right...but, I sure did like what was hanging here first.

this is hanging on one side of our fireplace. She got some tape for Christmas, so she's been hanging a lot more of her work up around the house.

This is the other side of the fire place. It's her note and picture to Santa. He forgot to take it...so I'm not sure, but we might have to leave it here until next Christmas.

This is just an example of the random stickers that you may find stuck throughout our house. The dots are because she had used this sticker to adapt an existing game we have.

Random scribbles. I am not sure how old these are, actually.

We cannot have a plain microwave! The horror of plainness!!

This is hanging in the kitchen on one of the door handles.

This is her current arrangement in her room. The painting on the left is my favorite piece of hers...she won't let me have it..or even hang it in the living room.

A home for bugs that she has hanging in her window.

This is a piece of wood leftover from the benches we had in the kitchen. She couldn't resist the clean white surface. (The drawings were there before Tom had actually removed the benches.)

This is my white board calender that I usually have hanging in the kitchen. She needed to decorate it for me.

This girl has a compulsion to be creative. I hope that we give her enough space and freedom to explore her passion. I can't say that I'm always happy about the artwork that appears in my house...but I always appreciate the artist.

*She has actually done a rather large peice in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. However, I haven't figured out how to make it fit on the blog. When I figure it out, we will share.

the facts of life

Lily: I wish my skin were lighter. A girl at school was saying that I wasn't as pretty because my skin was darker than hers.

Me: Really?! I think beautiful people come in all shades.

Lily: All the princesses have light skin. Cinderella.....Sleeping Beauty.....


And then later.....


Lily: Did you know that Martin Luther King Jr.'s sister is still alive?

Me: No, I didn't. Do you know what makes Martin Luther King Jr. special?

Lily: Yes, someone with a cannon ball shot him and someone that was helping him.

Me: Yeah, but what made him special?

Lily:  He made it so that chocolate...I mean colored...people could go to the same school.

Me: You mean "black" or "African American"? That is what you mean?

Lily: Well, I'm talking about people with dark skin. Darker skin than us.

Me: Yes. It's good to call them African American.

Lily: Yes. And we're not supposed to make fun of black people. And we're not supposed to make fun of white people.

Me: Well, yes, it's not good to make fun of anyone. Can you think of anyone we know that is African American?

Lily: T____. She's in my class at school. We don't make fun of her because her skin is brown.

Me: Can you think of anyone else? Grown ups? In our family?

Lily: Well, the Princess in the Frog is.

Me: Do you remember Liz, Leah and Lynn? They are in our family and they are African American.

Lily: No they are not! Their skin is not brown.

Me: Well, yes they are. Their mommy, Sally, is white like you; and their daddy was African American.

This is basically where the conversation ended.

I'm sharing this conversation with you because it has me thinking.

 When I sent Lily to kindergarten it had not occurred to her that anyone was better or worse because of their skin. Lily and I had only discussed the fact that their are people that we know with darker skin than us. One time she innocently asked me if people with brown skin tasted like chocolate. Completely innocent and does not imply anything negative at all. It was more a curious observation.

Now, fast foreword to Lily now. She went to school and learned about Martin Luther King Jr. As well she should! I am a strong believer in teaching children about the struggle for equal rights and the dark history that our country has regarding this very issue. However, sadly, this lesson also taught her to look at all people differently. The thought of one person being better than another person for any reason had never occurred to her. Now, however, she is considering that someone might be made fun of because of their skin color. She is also thinking that she is less because someone she knows has lighter skin than she does.

 I'm assuming, with proper guidence, that she will not continue to judge herself or anyone else because of their skin....but the idea has now occurred to her that people do. There are people all around us that continue the practice of judgement based on race, religion or sexual orientation. That is a sad fact that my sweet girl is now aware of. I just wasn't ready  for the bubble to burst. I wasn't ready.

hardened by motherhood

Tonight Drew threw up all over me and I didn't scream. I didn't even get a chance to change my pants until after I'd given him a bath. The fact that I didn't scream and yell for Tom is a huge deal. The fact that I didn't change my pants for at least 20 minutes...mind blowing. (Just so you know, there was only a small amount on the back of my pant leg. I was not covered in puke and going about my business.)

But, the real reason for this post? Tonight, while the rest of us were eating dinner, Drew said he felt better. I allowed him to eat some plain toast and drink some water. About half way through my meal he calmly walked over to the trash can and threw up. What did I do? I took another bite of my Sloppy Joe.

What can I say? I'm almost six years into this gig and not a lot gets to me anymore. I needed to finish my dinner and he'd made it to the trash can. No need to rush...

Good Eats

Sunday night we are expecting the weather to get pretty bad. It's going to be cold and windy with snow and ice in the forecast. I didn't make it to the store like I was hoping...so I'm trying to be resourceful with my meal planning this week. So, I dug into my freezer and cupboards to find our meals for the week. The following list is what I came up with:

Breakfast options:
toasted mini bagels
cereal with milk
oatmeal with toast
Fruit Smoothies (with frozen broccoli snuck inside)
pancakes (also a dinner option)

Dinner (all can carry over to be lunch options)
Black Bean Soup with corn muffins
Mini Pizzas on biscuits
Chicken Noodle Soup
Simple Turkey Chili
Savory Vegetable Beef Stew
Sloppy Joe's with oven baked fries
Slow Cooker BBQ Pork Chops over brown rice

My grocery list for the week:
bananas
oranges
apples
green pepper
tomato sauce
onion
yogurt

I don't know what this says about me regarding my kitchen organization. All I can say is, sometimes I plan a meal that doesn't get made. When that happens, I end up with a lot of meat in my freezer.

I hope you all are staying warm during this cold winter.

sleepy sleepy

Turns out my addiction to working out is more of an issue than I thought.

Two nights ago I stayed up later than I had intended. I was reading a really good book and before I knew it it was 10:30 and I was planning on working out at 5:15 the next morning.

When 5:15 rolled around the next morning I tried to be a slacker. I tried to ignore the call of the gym. I tossed and turned for nearly 25 minutes trying to go back to sleep.

Finally, I gave up. I rolled out of bed and went to the gym.

I'm not regretting that I worked out. I am just regretting that there's not enough time in the week for me to get enough sleep. I am feeling so tired in the afternoons that all I want to do is take a nap.

Obviously I should be going to bed at 9 PM and making healthy food choices. But, evenings with my husband and a bedtime snack are things I'm just not willing to give up. However, something has to give. I am just not sure what it could or should be.

Couldn't we just add 2 more hours to everyday so I could get my sleep?

how many more bites? *revised

Drew: Can I have my dessert now?

Me: No. You need to eat your lunch if you're hungry. Dessert comes later.

Drew: Now can I eat it?

Me: No! I told you, if you're too full to finish your lunch then we can save the dessert for after nap. If you finish your sandwich now THEN you can have the dessert.

[eats a couple more bites...but not nearly all of his sandwich]

Drew: Mom, now, don't make your mad face when I ask you...but, can I have dessert now?

Me: Don't do what?! ha ha ha ha Silly Drew, just finish your lunch!

[eats his whole sandwich but now is too full to eat his dessert. and even though I keep telling him he can save it for later...he just keeps picking at it.]

*After he was done eating his sandwich and had started on his dessert (a nutty bar that comes in packs of two) he told me that I could have the other bar. Just because. Just because he's the sweetest boy in town.

2007, 2009 and 2011

Lily, 1-4-2007, 23 months old

Drew, 1-4-2009, 23 months old

Julianna and Drew, 1-6-2009, 4 days and 23 months

Julianna, 1-2-2011, 24 months old

It turns out I don't have the best pictures of Drew by himself from this exact week two years ago. I still thought it was fun to see them all from this exact week when they were two years old. Lily looks so much older than Julianna at the same age. Could it be the hair?

Happy Birthday, Julianna!

Dear Julianna,

Oh my goodness! You are two! I know I always say that time is going so fast for me but I can't help it! You've gone from a tiny blob to a walking, talking big girl in what seems like a matter of weeks.

As you turn two today I can't help but be overwhelmed with love for you and the little person you have become. I love that you are already your own person. Despite Lily's best efforts to make you a mini-Lily, you are very much just Julianna and not anyone else. I know we're only two years in, but as a younger sister myself, I hope that you continue to explore yourself and express yourself as you...and never try to be just like your sister. I can say from experience that it's better to just be yourself. You are a whole and amazing person all on your own.

At this time you have no time for fancy anything. You are not too much into picking out your own clothes right now but on the days you do pick- it's always you're Jayhawk shirts. There is a lot to love about that, but my favorite part is that given the choice between the Jayhawk cheerleader dress and your Jayhawk t-shirt..it's always the t-shirt.

Something else that comes to mind when thinking of you is your manners. You've got to be the most polite two year old I have ever met. You are full of pleases and thank yous for everyone you meet. Also, for awhile now I have been trying to teach you to say 'no thank you' rather than whining and crying when someone does something you don't want. I am so excited to report that you are now regularly saying 'no thank you' rather than crying and throwing yourself on the floor. I hope these darling manners continue as we move ahead into toddler hood.

I would not say you are a shy person, but you are definitely cautious of new people and situations. However, when you become comfortable, you are friendly and silly. You love to make us laugh. Actually, now that I say all of that, I think cautious is a very good word for you. You are nervous of the toilet, the vacuum and generally anything that is too loud. Cautious is the perfect word to describe you in new and different situations.

One more thing. You love babies. You love to be a mommy and spend hours caring for your baby dolls. You love to carry them, change their diapers, put them to bed, feed them and generally do a great job of being a mommy. I love this about you for a thousand reasons. But, selfishly, what I love most is that it reminds me of myself. What can I say? I love seeing tiny pieces of myself in my children and I love that you love your babies as much as I love mine.

All in all, Daddy and I are extremely lucky to have such a loving, polite, funny and sweet girl to raise. You make us laugh every day and you fill me with pure joy. I love you big girl!

Love,

Mom