Drew Funnies

The other day Drew said this on the way to school:
"Do you think the Chiefs are the best team in the AFC? Because they're not! It's the Chicago Bears. They have a really rich history."
Me: "Oh, really? Where'd you learn that?"
Drew: "I got a book at the library. They didn't have a Chiefs book so I got one about the Bears."

The other funny thing he said recently was after he saw me in my full-coverage, but very low-cut swimming suit. He said: "Oh, Mom. Don't you think that's a little big or something? I think you need to pull it up and tie it tighter!"

I love him!

Julianna's been telling me that she wants to have long hair again when she is six. She is less than six months from her sixth birthday I was telling her that if she wanted long hair by then, she needed to start letting it grow. We had this conversation about it:

Julianna: "I want my hair this long." Pointing to her hips.

Me: "Whoa! That will take you awhile! You better get started soon."

Julianna: "How do you grow your hair out?"

Me: "You go to the barber and have him shape it every couple of months to allow the shorter hairs to catch up to the longer hairs...and you wait."

Pause...
Me: "Why do you  want to grow your hair out that long?"

Julianna: "To donate it.....To Mimi. So we can do art with it."

Me: "Ummm....well, people usually donate it to Locks of Love so that they can make wigs for people who've lost their hair."

Julianna: "But, we can do art. That's a nice thought, right?"

Me: "Well...."

There's going to be a BALL?!

Me to Tom: "My cousin Morgan's wedding is officially December 20th."

Julianna: "A wedding?"

Me: "Do you know what a wedding is?"

Julianna: "Yes. It's where people get married!"

Me: "Yes, and then there is a party with food and sometimes dancing after."

J: "OH!! There's going to be a BALL?! I will probably do some of my breakdance moves!" [Jumps up and runs to Drew] "Drew! There's going to be a BALLLL! We can breakdance!"

Drew: "Ugh. You don't breakdance at a BALL! That's where you do the tango or something. I don't want to go to a ball! Maybe a ballgame but not a ball!"

For some reason, knowing Morgan's fiancé Erik, I imagine he might agree with Drew. Am I right Morgan? :)

Love notes and the rodeo

I kid you not, all of these conversations happened with my children within one hour.

Julianna made me a note that said "I love you" decorated with hearts and X's and O's. She brought it to me and expressed how much she loves me. Then she started to help me make dinner. She poured the milk into the mac and cheese for me and turned to load it in the dishwasher. When she did that she let the biggest toot ever go. Then she looked at me and said, "Thar toot was my 'I love you text to Daddy."

Two minutes later, Tom called and I told him what happened. He laughed and said, "She knows my language, I guess."

Then, just a bit ago, I was taking Drew to baseball practice. He's really tired from DNC camp this week and late nights with baseball games and rain storms. So, he says, "I have to start school in two months! I feel like summer just started and I already have to go back!" I tried to reassure him that there was two and a half months left of summer but he literally cried he was so sad that summer was going too fast. I changed the subject on him. I told him we better look up when the Pretty Prairie Rodeo was so we could plan to go. He asked if that was a good one and I told him it was Kansas's largest night rodeo. He thought for a minute and said, "Hm. So they will probably have all the best buckers and bulls that that one? I'm happy that you're taking me to that one and not just any old rodeo."

Then after a couple more minutes of driving, I got his sports glasses out for him and was wiping them off on my shirt. He was getting impatient and I told him, "Hang on, Buddy. I'm getting it cleaned off." He said, "You don't call me 'buddy' a lot. Dad does. He used to call me buddy all. The. Time." I asked, "Oh yea? Did you like it when Dad calls you buddy? It's kinda nice when someone gives you a nickname. Makes me feel loved." He answered, "Yea, I liked it. It didn't make me feel loved, but I knew he liked me."

These kids!

Conversations with Julianna

The other day Drew and I were discussing how we are family and all the same because we were all family. Julianna was listening and piped up, "Except for the penises!"

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Yesterday after studying a picture of her Bobba, Julianna asked me, "If Bobba was bald, why didn't he wear a wig?"

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Tonight at bedtime I was asking Julianna her favorite part of the day. This is how the conversation went:
Me: What was your favorite part?
Julianna: EVERYTHING!
Me: Everything? What are you grateful for?
Julianna: EVERYTHING!! Except for poor people. They don't have food and have to get their food at the food bank.

I guess it's time for a lesson about what being 'grateful' means.

Different rules

Julianna: Can I have Cocoa Puffs for breakfast?

Me: No, that is a snack cereal and everybody had a bowl yesterday so there isn't any left.

Julianna: Buuut, I've had Cocoa Puffs for breakfast before!

Me: When?

Julianna: At the lake!

Me: Well, that was a special treat.

Julianna: Grandma gave them to us. OHHHHHH, I seeeeee, Grandma has different rules!

For the ladies

Tonight while brushing teeth we had this conversation:

Me: Julianna, you need to brush really well. You guys are visiting the dentist in a couple weeks. You don't want cavities!

Drew: We're going to the dentist soon?! YESSSSS! I LOVE GOING TO THE DENTIST! We get toys there.....and fancy rings for the ladies.

[Fancy rings for the ladies? Ha!]

Drew's first day of first grade letter

Dear Drew,

First grade! What are you thinking getting so old that you have to go to first grade!? I'm not ready! You are ready, though. Well..... all summer you said you didn't want to go to school anymore - to please not sign you up to go again this year. But then you met your teacher. All bets were off after that and you were dying to get to the first day. And you loved every minute of it. I'm so glad!

These are a few of the things you shared after school today:

1. We made this special juice that is supposed to help you not be nervous. The only time I was nervous all day was when I thought I might not like that juice. But I did! And I have the ingredients, Dad! So we can make some.
2. I am keeping my folder in my bag and my teacher said that every time we bring our folder back in our bag to school we will get a sticker on it. There was one boy last year that go so many stickers that it covered the whole outside and they had to start putting them on the inside. I think I'm going to get that many stickers too. I remember last year that I took my folder every day so I think I can probably do that again this year.
3. I played with Jaron and recess. And a little bit with Carter and Mitch. (Was it good to see them? Did they have a good summer?) Yes. They all looked so different! Everyone looked so different. And Jaron has gotten way taller this year. Last year he could walk under the slide like this (you hunched over), but this year he can't even do that! He's gotten so tall! (Oh, is he taller than you now?) Well, no.
4. To Lily: You like learning at school?! Like reading and science and all that stuff? Like LEARNING?! I just like recess and when we watch movies or something. Mostly just recess.
5. I missed you, Mommy. Can we do the kissing hand tomorrow? We read about the kissing hand at school and did you know that it doesn't even wash off with soap? We didn't do it today so I just kissed my own hand and then put it on my cheek.

Drew, you should know that Julianna missed you desperately. She talked a lot about you and how much she missed you. You are a great brother and it shows because your sister loves you very much.

Like I told Lily in her letter, I'm not going to get mushy on you. I just want you to know that you are awesome. You are going to have a great year and I am so looking forward to your confidence growing this year as you see all that you can learn. I hope this year you notice that learning can be fun and you don't have to be perfect. I hope that you know that it's okay to be yourself because you are awesome just the way your are. It requires no showing off to make people like you. Promise. You are totally cool, dude.

I love you.
Love,
Mommy

Lily's first day of third grade letter

Dear Lily,

First of all, I have to tell you, it was impossible to narrow down my favorite first day or school picture of you so I had to post them all. You are adorable. And old. And grown up. And occasionally funny. Your morning started rough, but ended on a high note. You were ready to get started on your new adventure.

When you came home from school I asked about your day. Here are some things that you told me:

1. Recess was not fun. No one wanted to play. They mostly just stood around and tried to act like third graders.
2. What is a state that has mountains? And a volcano? And grows apples? And has three syllables. I'm supposed to find out the answer for school tomorrow. (I gave you the correct answer but either you wanted an excuse to get on the internet or you just didn't believe me because you confirmed it with Dad when he got home. It's Washington. I promise.)
3. My teacher has been teaching for 21 years and she used to teach at another school before she taught at mine and this one time a man called and said there was a bomb in the school and so there was a lockdown. But that's the only lockdown that's ever happened to her and it was a false alarm and the guy went to jail and the kids just hid in a closet for a couple hours. (You talked just like that....run-on sentences and all.)
4. We're supposed to bring show and tell. It's supposed to fit into this bag (you hold up a very small paper sack). I think my microscope will fit in this, don't you? (No.) Well, I think I'm going to fill it with like 14 little things and then have a guessing game and then people can guess what I have in my bag. I can just cover it in tissue paper so no one can see inside. I'll ask if I can make it a little game. What do I have that is small enough to put in the bag? (Maybe one of your fossils?) No, I've done that already. (Maybe one of your bones?) Oh, yeah! Good idea! Wait....how will I get them out? (I'm still unsure if you were joking when you said that.)
5. I do not like recess.

Usually my back to school letters are mushy, gushy things. But tonight I just want to remember how awesome you were on this day. It was nice to have a place to send you today so that I could truly enjoy the things that you told me today. I really, really enjoyed being with you this afternoon. I have to say, the last week of summer my patience was thin and I wasn't so nice that last couple of days. It was good that you went to school, had a great day, and I love that you shared so much about your day with me. I'm going to bed tonight feeling grateful to have you around. Grateful that you are growing up to be so awesome. And confident that you're going to have an excellent year.

I love you.
Love,
Mom

Julianna's interview about Tom

Meet My Julianna's Dad

What is Dad's name?
Tom


What does Dad do for fun?
I help him make pancakes


What does Dad do at work?
He works on the road with his friends


What is Dad's favorite thing to eat?
Everything!


What does Dad like to drink?
Milk....I mean beer! He always drinks beer every night.


How old is Dad?
He's the same old as Mommy


Where did you and Dad meet?
Still at the lake


What does Dad look like?
He looks just like his face


How much does Dad weigh?
A lot!


What makes Dad the best?
Playing hide and seek


What is your favorite thing to do with Dad?
Playing


How long have you known Dad?
For a really, really long time

Julianna's interview about Mommy

Meet My Julianna's Mom

What is Mom's name?
Taylor

What does Mom do for fun?



She plays hide and seek with me.

What does Mom do at work?
She doesn't have any works

What is Mom's favorite thing to eat?
Carrots


What does Mom like to drink?
I don't know. She likes everything.

How old is Mom?
I don't know.

Where did you and Mom meet?
At the lake

What is Mom really good at?
Macaroni and cheese and I help her


What does Mom look like?
Like me!


What makes Mom the best?
When I help her.

What is your favorite thing to do with Mom?
Play hide and seek

How long have you known Mom?
For a really long time!

the cutest one

Julianna does not lack confidence.

Last Wednesday, after her class at Dillon Nature Center, she told me this: "I was the cutest one at Dillon Nature Center today." I asked if someone had told her that and she said, "No, I just knowed."

Then tonight when I was helping her into her jammies, she said, "For goodness sake, I looked cute today!"

She never fails to make me laugh.

romantic painting

Tom and I do not celebrate Valentine's Day like other couples. We do not do flowers and candies. This year we decided to direct our Heart Day funds into our home remodel budget. So on Valentine's Day the whole family had dinner by candlelight and I gave the kids a small gift to celebrate. (Drew and Julianna got goggles and Lily a swim cap.) After we gave them the gifts we explained to them that mom and dad were going to be painting the living room for our gift to each other. We explained that it was a lot of work to paint a living room and wasn't that a nice gift?

Last weekend Tom finished the living room painting (including two coats on the ceiling) and this week he had moved on to the kitchen. Last night he finished the kitchen and had moved the painting down the stairs and started on the family room. Tom is doing all the painting himself, as he is very particular about how perfect it needs to be. I am helping in other ways. I'm the gofer and the 'help wherever I can' person. But, to be clear, Tom has shouldered the brunt of the project, obviously.

Ok, now that you have the background of our Valentine's Day, you can fully appreciate the conversation I had with Drew this morning. Drew came down into the kitchen and looked around this morning. When he went to bed last night the kitchen was half done; and when he woke up, the kitchen was completely finished.

Drew: Geez, Mommy. You're going to have to do something really big for Valentine's!

Me: What? Why?

Drew: Because Dad has, like, painted the whole house!

I wish you could hear how flabbergasted Drew was that Tom had 'like, painted the whole house'. It is still making me laugh right now.

with a twist

Every mom that works hard to make her house presentable for guests, but leaves it pretty messy most of the rest of the time, has had a similar conversation to the one that follows. Except in this conversation Julianna adds her own twist.

Julianna: Who is coming over today?

Me: No one.

Julianna: Then why are you cleaning?

Me: Because I like to have a clean house.

Julianna: Well, I like to have a dirty mouse.

Me: A dirty mouse?!

Julianna: (laughs) I mean a dirty house!

 

Snow Day 2013

Dear children,

 Today is your first snow day in recent memory. The last snow day we had was in April of 2009. So far we have about 12-14 inches of snow on the ground and there is more to come. I thought you guys might get a kick out of reading about this day later. A snow day is one of the ultimate nostalgic days of you childhood.

This morning Drew woke me up and six o'clock a.m. He was quiet for awhile, but started talking at about 6:30 and didn't stop until seven. He spent that thirty minutes filling me in on the Civil War, George Washington, Abe Lincoln, the Revolutionary War, Mount Vernon, and the Statue of Liberty. He kept confusing Lincoln for Washington...but otherwise, he was right on. He told me why Abe had a beard and that it is said that Washington is the "Dad of the United States". No one can say that Drew isn't learning plenty in kindergarten, huh?

I forced you guys to wait until later in the morning before you could go outside in the snow. I said it was because I wanted it to warm up a bit, but really I was stalling so that you wouldn't be done with snow by 8:30 in the morning. Drew and Julianna went out to play in the white stuff a little before 10 and had a great time with the toy dump truck and bulldozer pushing the snow around. You guys stayed out there for almost an hour, I think.

Lily. Oh, Lily; Miss Sensory Sensitive, proclaimed she wasn't going in the snow. But eventually she couldn't resist it and went out in all of her snow gear. She was already annoyed enough with all the snow gear before she stepped outside....so it's not surprising that she only lasted 15 minutes out in the snow. It's okay, Lily. I wouldn't have lasted that long. I hate to be cold and wet. Yuck.

 Once everyone was inside, you guys enjoyed a bit of hot cocoa with a squirt of whip cream on top. It was a huge hit, let me tell you. Lily was also late to join that party, so I didn't get her picture.

I am shocked to report that the TV was not used as a device for distraction until I suggested a movie after lunch. You guys have kept yourselves busy with other things, and actually have been getting along quite well.

Yesterday I was maybe dreading this day just a bit...it was only because you guys came home from school and bounced from ceiling to floor for 3 straight hours. And because I caught Drew drinking honey from the honey bear. And everyone was screaming and fighting with each other. However, you guys have pleasantly surprised me. We've had a good day so far. I think the next thing on the agenda is for us to bake a cake.

Much love on this snow day,
Mom

I pledge allegiance

Drew was in a grumpy mood today. At bedtime he was being rude and disrespectful. I took something away as a consequence. He was upset, but rather than just get mad, he 'pledged allegiance' that he wouldn't do it again. I'm not sure, but I think he was trying to say something about promising or crossing his heart. His consequence remained despite his pledging allegiance over and over again.

A storm is coming soon (freezing rain and snow) and Tom had to work late tonight and Drew had a 4:30 appointment in Wichita. All of these factors contributed to our crazy evening. Interestingly, Lily was the most mellow I've seen her in an evening....well, maybe ever. I hope it doesn't mean she's coming down with something....

The Queen

Drew woke up on the wrong side of the bed. This is the conversation we had at 6:40 this morning.

Drew: Can I watch TV?

Me: When you're ready for school. You need to have your shoes on, teeth brushed, and eye exercises done.

Drew: UGH! Why do I have to do my eye exercises? I HATE that!

Me: Sorry. It will only take you 15 minutes and you'll still have time to watch TV afterward. Bring me the ball for you first exercise.

Drew: Why do I always have to do EVERYTHING?! You never do anything! Do you think YOU'RE THE QUEEN OR SOMETHING?!

Me: In that case, you can spend some time in your room adjusting the way you speak to me. I'm going to have my breakfast.

I want everyone reading to understand that I in no way condone this behavior. However, it does make me laugh to think about it. It's funny to me because I understand it. I know what it feels like to be so sensitive and emotional. I know what it feels like to think that your mom does nothing for you and is only there to make your life more difficult. I knew I would have a kid similar to me in this way. I just didn't think it would be my son.

a handsome, slim, middle finger post

Today Julianna had an appointment with Dr. Handsome....Hansen, really-- but apparently she likes Handsome better.

Tonight at dinner Lily asked for some "slim" milk. She meant skim.

Tonight I was trimming Lily's fingernails. I was trimming her middle finger and she said, "Are you pointing my middle finger up?" I answer no. She said, "Good, because that's the middle finger and you're not supposed to point that one up alone." I didn't really answer her because what should I say? So she went on. "It means bad luck. It means you're wishing someone bad luck." I still didn't answer-- so she went on. "Haven't you ever heard someone was going to 'middle finger' you?" Well, this is the point where I can answer honestly. No, no one has ever said they were going to middle finger me. Thank god for that. Tom entered the conversation at this point. He asked her if she wanted to have an honest conversation about this. Yes, she did. He told her it means something very mean, to never do it and to never teach her brother or sister about it. That's when Drew walked in. Thankfully, the conversation was over...despite Drew's best efforts to revive it.

These are just a few things I don't want to forget.

Laughs, thanks to Julianna

Julianna never fails to make me laugh. Here are two things that she's said in the last 24 hours to make me smile.

I told her to get her coat on so we could leave the house. She looked on the inside and saw that her name had been written on the inside. She looks at me and says with a shocked look, "Mom! JC Penny's put my name in my coat! How did they do that?!" I then explained to her that I had put her name in her coat in case she lost it.

Tom got home from three days out of town last night after the kids went to bed. This morning Julianna and I had this conversation:
Me: Julianna, Lily's getting in the bath first. Put your jammies back on until it's your turn so you don't get cold....

Julianna crawls back into bed.

Me: Julianna! You are such your daddy's girl! You can't go back to bed!

Julianna giggles.

Me: Did you see that Daddy was home?

Julianna: Yes!

Me: How did you know?

Julianna: Because! There was a BIG BOY in your bed!!

make a note

Lily:* Have you made a note on the calendar that the first and second grade music program is the 5th of February?

Me: Yes, I have. Thanks.

Drew:** Next time you make a note, say that Drew did this on a day in January. [Makes the rock n roll sign and waves arm around.]

Me: Will do, will do.


*Yes, as a matter-of-fact, she did use these exact words in this exact order. And, yes, I do believe she is sometimes a small adult.

**Yes, as a matter-of-fact, Drew did do this exact thing on Sunday. It made me laugh for at least 10 minutes.

I know that Drew isn't making a rock n roll sign in this picture. But this picture makes me laugh for a different reason.
Drew....oh, Drew. You and your sour face make me laugh.