i love you. but....

We were driving to get lunch after doing our weekly grocery shopping. We had been hanging out kid-free for close to 18 hours by then. At some point in the drive Tom says to me, "If I could change just one thing about you..."

And I was thinking, "OMG! What have I done?! Did I hog the bed last night? Steal all of the covers? Oh! I know, he hates it when I wake him up in the mornings at 5:15 so I can workout....he hates me!"

And Tom continues, "Now, if it was just ONE thing....it would be...."

In my mind, "Oh god! He hates that I am always interrupting him. I know I drive him crazy with that. I try really hard to hold my thoughts inside...I know it must be annoying to live with someone that is constantly interrupting! Gahhh!"

"It would be for you to..."

To myself, "I know he hates the way I drive. Well, what can I say? I pay attention, I follow the rules. I haven't backed into anything in over a year...it was just that couple of weeks once...I just backed into two things in two weeks...but that was SO LONG AGO. How can he still be worried about my driving?!"

"... to like seafood."

"Oh...You mean it's not that I leave my dirty laundry all over the closet? Or that I don't hang your shirts up right out of the dryer?"

 "There are just so many menu options when you eat fish. Travelling is so much more fun at the ocean when you can try all sorts of new options."

You're kidding. All of my blanket stealing, messy, absent-minded procrastinating and bad driving...and he just wants me to like seafood....

"It really is delicious."

just so you know, i am wearing a strapless dress in this picture. :)

Day 3: a picture with your friends

L to R: Andrea, Me, Lindsay and Myca

This is the only picture I have of my 'hutch friends' and I. Clearly I need to take more pictures with my friends. This picture was when I was pregnant with Julianna and it's the only one I could find with in the last 5 years with my friends. We are obviously using our cameras to take pictures of our kids.

Do not talk to your mother that way!

Yesterday Drew was bothering Julianna on purpose. (Tangent: If he is over-tired, he is a rascal. If he is over-rested, he is a rascal. It seems to be a lose/lose right now.) He was being rough with her and the toy. I warned him to stop being rough and to give Julianna space. He did not listen. So then, this is what we said:

Me: Drew! Number one: if you bother Julianna again, you will go to time-out. Number two: you may not play with this toy again today.

Drew: Mommy, number one: BE NICE! Number two: You should always be very, very nice!

Me: Excuse me?!

I didn't say this, but I wish I could have. Me: Take your own advice, buddy.

Day 2: The meaning behind your blog name

When this blog was first started it was my sister, Sarah, that did it. When Drew was born she set it up for me so we could share pictures of the new baby. It was a long time later that I decided to actually try out the blogging thing and I actually had to get the sign-in name and password from Sarah.

When I took over, I wanted to have a cute title and not just the typical Stivers Family Blog title. So, I just started brainstorming and thought of things to describe our family or our children. I came up with Trucks, Tiaras and Tutus because we have one boy and two girls. Trucks for Drew, and the tiaras and tutus for the girls. (Not that I am putting my children in boxes. If Drew wants to wear a tutu, he can. If Julianna wants to play with trucks, she can.) I thought that it sounded cute together, so that is what I went with.

I didn't think of this until my friend Myca pointed it out, but it would have been a good idea to do a different word order. It should be Tiaras, Trucks and Tutus to represent each child, and since Drew is in the middle, Trucks should be, too. But, it's too late for that, and I like the way this rolls off your tongue.

I know that this isn't very exciting, but that was my thought process behind the blog name.

day one: a recent picture and 15 random facts about myself

1. I am 30 years old and have known my husband for 21 of those years.

2. I workout for fun.

3. I love, love, love ridiculous, dramatic reality TV.

4. I am traumatized when watching another person do something embarrassing. I have to change the channel if someone is being awkward on television.

5. I dread the day when the bubble my children are living in truly bursts.

6. I do no like animals. I respect them, but I don't want them near me or interrupting my life. Birds are especially creepy and I hate when the are loitering by my car in parking lots.

7. I don't like to drive. If I have piles of money I would have a driver.

8. I cuss a lot. My children aren't allowed to say butt or fart or stupid...but I say shit and even the f-bomb on a regular basis. (Not in front of the children, of course.)

9. I love names. I love naming things. I think people should consult me before naming their children. There would be a lot less hurt in the world if I could make this happen.

10. I am still scared of the boogey man. And the dark.

11. If I woke up everyday and it was sunny and 80 degrees with a slight breeze, I swear I wouldn't get bored with it.

12. I'm not exactly funny, but I love when I can make someone laugh. I love to find people that get me and find the same things funny. I find it a personal victory when something I say makes Tom actually laugh out loud (he's not stone cold, he just doesn't hand out the chuckles.)

13. I love this stage in life. If there was some way to bottle it up and save it for later, I would.

14. I can't wait to read novels with my children. I am dying to read them To Kill a Mockingbird.

15. I have recently found enjoyment listening to conservative talk radio on the AM dial. I get a kick out of the crazy things these people say...as long as I don't take them seriously. And I never listen with the children around.

i am lacking blog inspiration right now

My friend Jenn is doing this activity on her blog, so I thought I would get in the game. Why not? I imagine you guys might be tired of hearing about illness and boredom. Here I go.

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself


day 2- the meaning behind your blog name

day 3- a picture of you and your friends

day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have

day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been to

day 6- favorite super hero and why

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

day 8- short term goals for this month and why

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

day 11- another picture of you and your friends

day 12- how you found out about blogger and why you have one

day 13- a letter to someone

day 14- a picture of you and your family

day 15- put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

day 16- another picture of yourself

day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have

day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them

day 20- someone you love

day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy

day 22- what makes you different from everyone else

day 23- something you crave for a lot

day 24- your last five facebook status'

day 25- what I would find in your bag

day 26- what do you think about your friends

day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge

day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

day 29- in this past month, what have you learned

day 30- your favorite song

my daughter, the acute sinusitis

Julianna appears to be one giant sinus infection. She seems to get one right after another, after another. She has been on three or four antibiotics since the start of the year. I'd guess that she's been through one bottle of Tylenol, one teaspoon at a time, just since 2011.

I feel so terrible for her and feel like I'm at my wits end with my kids being sick. Yesterday I was blaming myself. I felt like I wasn't cleaning enough, didn't make them wash their hands enough, eat healthy enough, etc. But, today I am throwing my hands up and accepting that there could be something more wrong than just a few germs.

Lily had the influenza flu. She was sick for so long and you can tell that she's still feeling tired and run down. I learned my lesson with Lily. Our whole family will be getting the flu shot, and not so late in the year next time. Lily and Drew had the shot, but I'm thinking it was too late into flu season to matter. Or maybe Lily just caught a strain that the flu shot didn't cover. Either way, we're getting the flu shot from now on.

Julianna, on the other hand, is another story all together. She has been sick approximately 75% of 2011. She runs a mild fever 4-5 days a week it seems. She is constantly having yucky drainage from her nose. She has a cough more often than not. And she generally seems to be fighting something all the time. The most frustrating part about all of this is that she had her adenoids out in October. The adenoidectemy was supposed to take care of the constant drainage and sinus infections. The doctor told us that in 85% of patients that get tubes and adenoidectemies, decrease their time spent at the doctors office tenfold. Apparently, Julianna is in the 15% that it doesn't help. At her follow-up visit in December she was still draining from her nose! Dr. Epp told me that it should soon stop and put her on another round of antibiotics. Well, we know how that went. That was December 22nd and now it is February 17th. The girl has not been well more than 3 days in a row since then and the drainage never stopped. I feel so bad for her!

So, the latest update: Lily had a well child visit with Dr. Losew on Tuesday and I called and asked if I could bring the ailing Julianna along for the ride. They said that it was no problem. So, after seeing Julianna, Dr. Losew called up the ENT doctor and told him about our continued trouble. He is getting Julianna in next week. He said that there could  be something more wrong with her sinuses, rather than just the adenoids. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but I suppose we'll find out next week.

So, here we are on Thursday, Julianna is on day two of her latest antibiotic. Besides Julianna having a bloody nose, everything seemed to be just fine this morning. I actually got to go workout for the first time in ages and then we went to Myca's for a playdate. About 45 minutes into the playdate Julianna seemed really tired and was not acting like herself. She was clingy, and felt warm to the touch. I brought her home and sure enough, the girl has another fever.

I hope that there is an answer to all of this. I hope that it's not another surgery. Does anyone have any experience with this? Could she be having allergies? I now realize that no amount of Lysol and hand washing is going to keep her from having these infections. It's obviously something else. But what is it? What can I adjust to make her healthy? I am tired...and if I am tired, I can't imagine how she is feeling.

Wordless Wednesday: Springtime Soccer

Drew got a new soccer ball for Valentine's Day. He's gearing up for his second season starting soon!

voice-less

I woke up yesterday with no voice. I can sometimes sort of talk, but if I do it too much, I pay for it with my throat going from annoying sore to on fire. So, I've been quiet. Really quiet. I would rather not admit that I am coming down with anything, I've just lost my voice and that is all.

So for two days I have to whisper to my family instead of speak. I have to choose my words wisely, instead of saying anything that comes to my mind. It's been a real learning experience. I have noticed a few things, but I will just share a couple here.

Lily is really the only child that noticed. The only thing that changed with Drew and Julianna is that the whisper back to me, instead of speaking in their normal voices. Lily has been very sweet about my having to whisper and has been conscientious of me during these last two days. That has been extremely heartwarming to me. It shows how much she has grown up and that she is thinking of others sometimes. She has been extremely understanding of my predicament and spoken for me on more than one occasion.

The other lesson that stands out is our morning routine. Last night when I went through Lily's Valentines to make sure she had one for every child, I found that she had a couple that she missed.  She had some extra Valentines made, but she had to put their names on them this morning. That meant having to add something extra to our very tight morning routine. Not an easy feat, as our mornings are chuck full as they are. Having no voice made it very difficult to pester her to follow through like I normally would. This meant that she had to do the extra task, eat breakfast, take a bath and get dressed without me right there prodding her with annoying reminders. Instead I had to physically be there to prompt her and move her along. This also required that Drew get himself dressed with out me there to help with his buttons and shoe laces right away. I have to say that they did a wonderful job. And that I may have learned a lesson in keeping my mouth shut and my hands helping. I'm not saying when the voice comes back that I won't slip back into the pestering sometimes, but I'm going to try and be mindful and use my word wisely.

Obviously this lesson was easy to see, but will be hard to practice. I am a talker. And my biggest weakness is not thinking before I speak. I hope that I can be more quiet, listen more and use my hands instead of my words to be helpful to my children.

Remind me of this in a few weeks.

Oh, and I'm pretty sure that Tom is enjoying this lack of voice thing, too. He has been able to complete entire sentences to me without interruption several times in the last couple of days. This is only because I can't speak to interrupt and not because I've had nothing to say. But, I know that I wear on his patience with my constant stream of thought communication style. What can I say? I do my best, people! :)

updating the blog instead of doing chores

I'm mostly blogging to avoid chores, but I do have a couple things to share.

-Drew had an injury this morning. Think "Something About Mary." It was traumatic.

- Julianna went poop on the potty chair at my friend Myca's house. I was planning on starting the potty training after we arrived home from Disney World. However, I'm not going to hold Julianna back from going in the toilet!

- Lily is feeling much better but is still totally wiped out. She has lots of reading to do to catch up at school so I hope we can stay focused and organized this weekend.

- I had breakfast this morning with my good friend Myca and a new friend, Jessica. It's always good to have friends and I love that we've met some new ones. It's hard to find good friends...and the pool of choices is even smaller in the world of stay at home moms.

-I am looking forward to this weekend. We have healthy people in our house again, the sun will be shining and we have some fun stuff planned.

Have a good weekend!

Now we are six

 Now We Are Six



Author: A.A. Milne

When I was one,

I had just begun.

When I was two,

I was nearly new.

When I was three,

I was hardly me.

When I was four,

I was not much more.

When I was five,

I was just alive.

But now I am six,

I'm as clever as clever.

So I think I'll be six

now and forever.

Dear Lily,

Now you are six! And an amazing six year old you are.

 This year has been a big year for you. This year you started kindergarten and lost two teeth; you can swim the length of the pool, and you learned to read. Just in the last few months you and I have been able to relate as big people, not just as grown-up to child. You have matured so much! We share jokes sometimes that Drew and Julianna don't get...and I love that. You're as smart as a whip and nothing gets by you!

It was a hard day when you went to kindergarten the first time. And although there have been some kinks, growing pains and hard lessons, you have blossomed beautifully. I pinch myself everyday that you reach a new level of maturity and understanding of the world around you.

You remain the most creative and artistic person I know. Recently, we have been stuck at home for days on end. (You had the flu and we had two winter storms in two weeks!) During the long days of winter (when you weren't recovering from the flu on the couch) you were doing art. Hours and hours of art. You have painted, drawn, glued and cut your way through about 85 pounds of art supplies over the last two weeks. It's a good thing you've asked for more art supplies for your birthday!

This year you have become keenly aware of the world and your place in it. You have asked insightful, introspective questions. You have soaked up every piece of information that you've been told. You know about everything from where babies come from to how your white blood cells know how to fight bad germs. Your teacher Mrs. Law recently shared that you were able to tell your whole class the scientific reason for flamingos being pink! Wow! I will continue to marvel at your questions and answer the best that I can. Thank heaven for the Internet. We go to the computer often to explore your questions together.

You are already more than half way through kindergarten and on your way to bigger things. I am looking forward to everything you have to teach me...even when the lessons aren't always fun for either one of us. We are getting through this thing called life together. Simply by being Lily you have transformed me, my life and my future.

You are exactly who you are supposed to be and I love you.

Keep it up, kid.

Love,
Mom

A blizzard (without the oreos)

Grandma: Drew, you need to put your coat on. There is a blizzard out there!

Drew: Where? Where is a blizzard?

Grandma and I: Outside! It's a blizzard outside!

Drew runs outside...

Drew: WHERE'S THE BLIZZARD?!!

Me: All around! This IS a blizzard!

discussing wildlife

Me: Did you know that cows have four stomachs?

Lily: Did you know that worms have five hearts?

Drew: Did you know that horses have eighty-hundred....bones?

Oh, Drew. Thank you for making me laugh as I drive a very sick Lily to the doctor through a winter storm.
Oh, Lily. Thank you for being so smart and retaining everything you're told.
Oh, Julianna. Thank you for being so stinking cute that everything that you say makes me chuckle.
Oh, Taylor...hang in there. You have a lot to be grateful for.

On the edge

of sanity, that is.

On January 9, 2011, Drew got sick.

On January 14, 2011, Julianna got sick. She pretty much stayed sick until yesterday. In fact, I can't remember the last day that I actually got her dressed. I just know it was a long time ago. Yesterday was the first day I had seen her smile in a very long time.

On January 17, 2011, Lily got sick. She stayed sick until Wednesday, the 19th. She went to school one day that week. Then she was well again until Tuesday the 25th. She had an ear infection and missed two days of school that week.  Monday January 31, 2011 was the last time Lily has seen the inside of her classroom. Tuesday and Wednesday were snow days. Thursday morning she woke up with a fever of 102.6 and it didn't really go down below 101 for three days. Tonight, when she went to bed, her fever, that was gone all day, was back up to 100.4. Obviously she will not be going to school tomorrow. And if the fever is still here tomorrow, Tuesday is out, too.

Lily went to school 14 days in January and zero days in February.

For me personally, this means that I have not had my normal routine for eight weeks. There have been a few glimmers...but never two days in a row. It's hard not to feel down in the dumps about this.

 I don't know what else to do to keep everyone healthy. I have a can of Lysol that I use to spray every surface all day. (I even resisted the urge to spray Lily down this morning while we cleaned up Legos. ;)) We have been washing our hands like crazy. I've been using paper towels for drying hands and other surfaces so that I don't cross-contaminate anything. I bleach out the bathtub between each bath. I have changed all the sheets on every bed and even washed bedding and pillows. More than a few times.

Besides the fact that I feel horrible when my kids are sick; and, regardless of my mental stability at the moment...what I feel the worst about is the fact that we have planned a vacation for our family during school. Yes, that's right. Lily, who has missed 7 days of school this semester (so far), is going to be missing five days in March to go to Disney World. I cannot get past the mommy guilt that I have over this fact. Tom had to work pretty hard to convince me to agree to a trip during school...but he managed. And now she's going to miss at least TWELVE DAYS in one semester.

I'm sure I will feel better about this when it is all over. I know that I will not regret the vacation with my family. I'm mean, who doesn't want to take their kids to the happiest place on Earth? But, for right now, I feel really horrible about the whole thing.

Okay. Enough already. I've got to go change the sheets on my bed again. Why? Oh, because what I didn't mention is: Tom is sick. Again. For the second time in the last eight weeks.

yes sir!

Me: Get in your carseat. We need to hurry to make it to story hour!

Drew: I want a cracker!

Me: (after popping a cracker in my mouth) Get in your seat first!

Drew: Why do grown-ups talk with their mouth full?

Me: Oh, sorry. I'm not using my manners.

Drew: It's not okay.

Me: chuckle

Drew: It's not funny.

just what the doctor ordered

A little over a year ago I switched Lily from a family practice doctor to a pediatrician. Her former doctor had been my own doctor since late high school and I liked him. He always had time to talk to me about stuff, and I generally had a good experience with him.

As Lily got older, I'd say 15 to 18 months, she wasn't talking very much. At 18 months she was only saying 5 words. I mentioned my concerns of a speech delay to the doctor. He brushed it off and said that if she still wasn't talking at two, then we would worry. I did not take his advice, however. I took her to a screening at our lovely Early Education Center. After her speech evaluation, she began speech therapy for the next year. I stayed with the family practice doctor anyway. I reasoned that I still liked him and I had taken care of the problem on my own.

But, then later, when Lily was three and in preschool,she started having more trouble with behavior at home and at school. At around two I had started mentioning her behavior stuff to our doctor and he was always brushing me off. But, when her very qualified teacher told me that there were serious concerns about her behavior and ability to function at school, I bugged the doctor again. He continued to brush me off. He just kept saying that our problem was discipline. That she would get better. Don't worry about it.

I worried about it.

Finally, right before she turned five, I switched her to a very highly recommended pediatrician, Dr. Losew. I scheduled a well child visit with her so I could chat with her about our concerns. I was blown away. That day she listened to me and sent me home with some questionnaires for Lily's teacher and Tom and I to fill out. After that, we soon had a referral to a therapist to do further testing and a meeting about trying medication. She did not tell me that the problem was discipline. She did not minimize my concerns. And she made Lily feel very welcome and important.

Since then, we have seen her just a handful of times. Lily is a pretty healthy girl. But, when we do see Dr. Losew, she knows and remembers Lily (and so do the nurses). I have spoken with her on the phone more than once. She even called me personally to give us Lily's strep test results. I love her.

I do not know why it took me so long to switch Drew and Julianna to Dr. Losew. I don't know if it had something to do with loyalty to my old doctor, or what. But, it was insane. I should have switched them all at the same time. I am so sad that my children's relationship with this doctor didn't start at birth. But, we can't go back now. We can only look forward.

Today Julianna and Drew met Dr. Losew for the first time. I was hoping to introduce them at a well child visit in a couple of weeks, but it didn't work out. Julianna is pretty sick so we went in for a visit today. Every time we visit I like our new doctor more. I feel respected, comfortable and important. I'm so glad that we made the switch.

Today:

Lily did art from around 9 AM until 6 PM. Her only break was during a short movie at naptime. She ate her lunch while she painted with the other hand.

I found Julianna in her bed covered in vomit first thing this morning. After naptime her fever was 102.4. By 7 PM she had managed to keep some fluids down, had some ibuprofen and her fever was down to 101.8. I held her from 3 PM until I laid her in her bed at 7.

Drew let Lily convince him to let her paint his face with glitter paint. She told him that they could peel it off and use it in art. He spent 30 minutes in the bathtub washing his face. He went to bed with green glitter and stars still stuck to his cheeks. Thank you to my sister for teacher Lily the handy trick of letting glue dry on your skin to be peeled off later. I don't know what amazing things I'm going to teach your children...but it's going to be awesome.

Due to the weather and Julianna's illness I had to reschedule a doctor's appointment. The next opening was March 21st.

Thankfully Tom came home from work and made us pancakes for dinner. Bless him.

Tomorrow is another snow day. Yahoo!