I didn't realize

Today I took Lily to her gym so that she could be fitted for her new team leotard. She was giddy at the mere thought of going to see everyone and being in the gym again. She actually audibly squealed about halfway there.

Just a little backstory, for those that don't know, Lily broke her arm on July 7 this year. It was a long road of healing that Lily took in stride. We are still waiting for the doctor to give her the final release to start back to her regular gymnastic routine. We see the doctor September 29th, and he told me pretty assuredly at the last appointment that he would very likely clear her at that point. In my head, I had planned to force her to sit out another few weeks after the final clear from the doctor. My thought was that she could use that time to heal (more is better in this case) and to build her muscles back up so that she could take the pressure off of her weakened bones. I wasn't really interested in giving her an option about this...well, maybe just a little.... but, I guess what I failed to take into consideration was Lily herself.

Tonight when we visited her gym my perspective changed completely. I hadn't considered a few things that are actually pretty important when making a decision like this. One, I hadn't taken the full weight of Lily's opinion into consideration. I had asked her a few times during the break if she was missing gymnastics and she would always roll her eyes at me at the sheer obviousness of her answer. YES, of COURSE she missed gymnastics and wanted to go back the day after it happened! HELLO!? It's hard being a mom with your oldest child. Obvious things sometimes take awhile to occur to you. Like the fact that a nine-year-old fourth grader really does know herself and knows what she likes. It has become less about what I think she likes and what she actually does like.

The second thing I had failed to consider: confidence. Lily has gained so much confidence from this sport. She has done things that she didn't realize she was capable of. Gymnastics has given her something that is hers and something that helps define who she is. She is so many things and she loves so many things, but she is absolutely a gymnast. I started swim team when I was 11 years old...not too much older than Lily. Within the first week of practice, I had become a swimmer. It became a part of my identity that I carry with me today. With Lily and gymnastics I had failed to realize how grown up she had become, and how important the activities that we choose to fill our time with become a part of us. Lily is an artist and a scientist, she is a sister and a daughter. But if you ask her, the first descriptive word about herself would likely be gymnast.

The third key thing that I hadn't considered when deciding to hold Lily out of the gym those few extra weeks: friends. If you know Lily at all, you know that she's not super social and really struggles to navigate the increasingly complicated rules of social engagement with her peers. She has very few friends. Today when we visited she had girls excited to see her. Girls that stopped their practice to come catch her up on everything that had been happening while she was away. It's the most animated I had seen Lily in awhile. She was genuinely thrilled to hear how they had all been doing and what they had achieved while she was away. And more importantly, they were happy to see her too. They missed her and wanted to hear about her arm and how soon she would be back.

This realization had the biggest impact on me. I'm so embarrassed that I had been seeing my daughter through such a narrow view. Lily is a whole person with many things that I don't know about her. Many parts of her are not for me to ever know. When you are growing up and being a kid, you think to yourself, I will never be a grown up like all the grown ups I see....I will remember what it is like to be a kid. I was wrong. I became a regular grown up without the perspective of being 9 and loving something so much and having it taken from me in a very traumatic way. I was so focused on healing the arm that I forgot about the part where gymnastics is feeding a part of her soul that I cannot reach. So, I guess, what I'm saying is, when the doctor gives her the go-ahead, we will be in the gym the next day. It would be selfish of me to do anything less.

Lily's 9th birthday letter

Dear Lily,

It happens every year of your life. You have a birthday and your mother becomes nostalgic and emotional about it. Your birth was the single most transformative event of my life. Having you changed me to my very core and absolutely centered me for the first time in my life. I tell you all the time that you were the person that made me a mom for the first time. But I hope that you someday understand that it was more than I was becoming responsible for you. It was almost like becoming your mom raised the bar for me. It forced me to raise my expectations for myself and the person I wanted to be. You do not define me, please don't misunderstand. It's not that having you gave me my purpose in life. It's more like your birth made me live my life with more purpose - achieving my goals and living with integrity became more important. Having you made every choice and action I take in life have more weight. I wanted to be more than your mom, I wanted to be your role model.

This year of your life has been a busy one. We have had our ups and downs, as with everything in life. We've learned some hard lessons together, and you've learned some difficult ones on your own. I hope that through all of this, you always feel that your are important and loved in our home. No matter what, Dad and I have your best interest at heart and are doing everything we can to allow for your success. No one can really ever explain the difficulties that come with parenting. And it's hard to imagine that parenting a kid can actually be harder than parenting a baby. It's true, though. I hope that our honesty with you about life and the actions of love we take for you every day help to show you that you are safe and loved and an important member of our family. Every annoying thing that we force you to do, every time we make you angry with our rules, every time we go to battle with you during your morning routine, we are doing it from a place of love - even when it doesn't feel very loving. We are trying every day to be the parents your deserve. We are loving you every moment of every day.

Lily, you are clearly a very special kid with many people cheering you on. You challenge me to be a better person and you very often lead by example in the most beautiful ways. I love your constant love of learning and your curiosity about new things. I love your creativity and your love for teaching others what you know. You are a complex kid with plenty to teach all of your adoring fans. If you do nothing else, please continue to seek knowledge and find ways to use your strengths for kindness. I have no doubt that each challenge you face will be overcome with your sheer determination. That is such a good word to describe you. Determined. You know exactly what you want and you are determined to make your dreams come true. I have confidence that anything you set your mind to will no doubt happen. You are just the kind of person make the loftiest goals a reality by digging into that bottomless well of grit and focus that you have inside. I'm lucky to be a small part of whatever success you achieve.

I love you,
Mom

Lily's first day of third grade letter

Dear Lily,

First of all, I have to tell you, it was impossible to narrow down my favorite first day or school picture of you so I had to post them all. You are adorable. And old. And grown up. And occasionally funny. Your morning started rough, but ended on a high note. You were ready to get started on your new adventure.

When you came home from school I asked about your day. Here are some things that you told me:

1. Recess was not fun. No one wanted to play. They mostly just stood around and tried to act like third graders.
2. What is a state that has mountains? And a volcano? And grows apples? And has three syllables. I'm supposed to find out the answer for school tomorrow. (I gave you the correct answer but either you wanted an excuse to get on the internet or you just didn't believe me because you confirmed it with Dad when he got home. It's Washington. I promise.)
3. My teacher has been teaching for 21 years and she used to teach at another school before she taught at mine and this one time a man called and said there was a bomb in the school and so there was a lockdown. But that's the only lockdown that's ever happened to her and it was a false alarm and the guy went to jail and the kids just hid in a closet for a couple hours. (You talked just like that....run-on sentences and all.)
4. We're supposed to bring show and tell. It's supposed to fit into this bag (you hold up a very small paper sack). I think my microscope will fit in this, don't you? (No.) Well, I think I'm going to fill it with like 14 little things and then have a guessing game and then people can guess what I have in my bag. I can just cover it in tissue paper so no one can see inside. I'll ask if I can make it a little game. What do I have that is small enough to put in the bag? (Maybe one of your fossils?) No, I've done that already. (Maybe one of your bones?) Oh, yeah! Good idea! Wait....how will I get them out? (I'm still unsure if you were joking when you said that.)
5. I do not like recess.

Usually my back to school letters are mushy, gushy things. But tonight I just want to remember how awesome you were on this day. It was nice to have a place to send you today so that I could truly enjoy the things that you told me today. I really, really enjoyed being with you this afternoon. I have to say, the last week of summer my patience was thin and I wasn't so nice that last couple of days. It was good that you went to school, had a great day, and I love that you shared so much about your day with me. I'm going to bed tonight feeling grateful to have you around. Grateful that you are growing up to be so awesome. And confident that you're going to have an excellent year.

I love you.
Love,
Mom

Lily is a photographer

Lily is a poet

Bubbly Bath

by Lily

 

 

Bubbly bubbly, Bubble bath

I say it is fun with a splash!

Water goes everywhere,

Even on my underwear

 

 

 



 

Messy Mess

by Lily

 

My room is messy

A messy mess,

Even my new dress!

Lots of paint is on the walls.

911 my mommy calls!

Snow Day 2013

Dear children,

 Today is your first snow day in recent memory. The last snow day we had was in April of 2009. So far we have about 12-14 inches of snow on the ground and there is more to come. I thought you guys might get a kick out of reading about this day later. A snow day is one of the ultimate nostalgic days of you childhood.

This morning Drew woke me up and six o'clock a.m. He was quiet for awhile, but started talking at about 6:30 and didn't stop until seven. He spent that thirty minutes filling me in on the Civil War, George Washington, Abe Lincoln, the Revolutionary War, Mount Vernon, and the Statue of Liberty. He kept confusing Lincoln for Washington...but otherwise, he was right on. He told me why Abe had a beard and that it is said that Washington is the "Dad of the United States". No one can say that Drew isn't learning plenty in kindergarten, huh?

I forced you guys to wait until later in the morning before you could go outside in the snow. I said it was because I wanted it to warm up a bit, but really I was stalling so that you wouldn't be done with snow by 8:30 in the morning. Drew and Julianna went out to play in the white stuff a little before 10 and had a great time with the toy dump truck and bulldozer pushing the snow around. You guys stayed out there for almost an hour, I think.

Lily. Oh, Lily; Miss Sensory Sensitive, proclaimed she wasn't going in the snow. But eventually she couldn't resist it and went out in all of her snow gear. She was already annoyed enough with all the snow gear before she stepped outside....so it's not surprising that she only lasted 15 minutes out in the snow. It's okay, Lily. I wouldn't have lasted that long. I hate to be cold and wet. Yuck.

 Once everyone was inside, you guys enjoyed a bit of hot cocoa with a squirt of whip cream on top. It was a huge hit, let me tell you. Lily was also late to join that party, so I didn't get her picture.

I am shocked to report that the TV was not used as a device for distraction until I suggested a movie after lunch. You guys have kept yourselves busy with other things, and actually have been getting along quite well.

Yesterday I was maybe dreading this day just a bit...it was only because you guys came home from school and bounced from ceiling to floor for 3 straight hours. And because I caught Drew drinking honey from the honey bear. And everyone was screaming and fighting with each other. However, you guys have pleasantly surprised me. We've had a good day so far. I think the next thing on the agenda is for us to bake a cake.

Much love on this snow day,
Mom

Memories from today

This is just a post so that I can remember the little things that were happening to us in life.

Drew was making phone calls with his play phone. He spoke with a man name Harold and another man named Larry. He was giving orders and told Larry to swab the decks. We do not know anyone by these names, and they are so out of the ordinary for a kindergartener to know, that it struck me as funny.

Julianna has been showing signs of being able to read for awhile now. She has obsessively been writing her letters whenever she has a pen and paper. Last week she wrote her first word independently. And I don't mean just writing letters I tell her to make a word. She actually sounded out a word herself and wrote it down without my help. The word was 'pan'. Since that day I have noticed that she can remember the short vowel sounds for a, e, i, and o. Yesterday I wrote about three dozen short vowel words on a piece of paper and she sounded out and read every single one of them. This seems totally crazy to me...but I'm looking forward to seeing what she figures out next.

My children are all about running lately. I went for a run first thing in the morning yesterday and when I got home they wanted to run too. They like my treadmill more than I do and Lily ended up running 1.4 miles on it yesterday. There is a running club for kids 8 and older and I'm thinking it'd be a good club for Lily to join. She needs practice making friends and the running could be a natural help for her ADHD. The other two children ran too, but not nearly as much. I'm ready for the long, warm summer days where all they do is run and play.

Tom finished up a big part of a painting project on Sunday. He has all the walls and the trim in the living room painted. The next step is to finish the second coat on the ceiling. He is currently building himself some stilts so that he can move more easily while painting so high up. I'm looking forward to getting my furniture back in the room to see how it looks. I'm being patient though -- and grateful to Tom for all his hard work. Tom is a very careful painter and I think it looks great. We have lived here almost two years and I'm so excited that we have started some of the projects that will make this house look the way we want our home to look. It's not going to be an overnight thing, but when we're done, it's going to look great. :)

Lily turns eight

Dearest Lily,

You are my first baby, so every year I am flabbergasted at how big you're getting, but here we are again. You are having another birthday and turning another year older.

Your day began with the usual Sunday morning where you come in our room around 7 am and ask to watch TV. We said yes and a few minutes later you saw the happy birthday note on the giant chalkboard and gasped and said, "I'm eight! I'm eight! I can't believe I'm eight!" It was classic, perfect Lily. It made me smile.

Today you were a little stressed out by how big this day is for you. For some reason you manage to get a little crazy on days when something big happens. However, you did eventually managed to pull yourself together, but it was pretty crazy around here for a bit. I wasn't sure you were going to make it to your own birthday party.

Yesterday I was marveling at the fact that you are now a 'tween'. I was telling Daddy that it didn't seem like you were a tween already, but he looked at me like I was crazy. He pointed out that you aren't ready for school in the morning, which is nothing new. However, now your late because you're taking too much time getting dressed and fancy and not because you're refusing to get ready. He also pointed out that I have to buy more product for your hair than I used to. You cannot go a day without adding a bit of product to your hair. And of course he pointed out the arguing that comes with being a tween...but that's nothing new with you. :)

Lily, you continue to amaze me and frustrate me to equal measure most days of the week. We can butt heads like you wouldn't believe and then I can turn around to see you being kind and gentle and generous. I hope you know in your heart that when Dad and I are pushing you to do better and make better choices, it's because we love you and want the best for you. You prove to us often that you can rise to many challenges.

Speaking of rising to challenges, you continue to thrive in ballet. You struggle a little with the 'boring' stuff, but really focus and work really hard at being a good dancer. The most amazing part is: you are a fantastic dancer and your hard work shows every time we see you dance. I cannot tell you how proud it makes me that you've found something that is important to you and you're willing to do the hard work to do it well. You are amazing.

You are still an artist. In fact, you're such a good artist that you are now a blue ribbon holder. You won first place at the Kansas State Fair this year for one of your art pieces. It's just another reason I can be proud of you.

You are one of a kind and so special to Dad and me. You are growing up fast and I have no problem imagining you ten years from now, practically grown up and ready to make big choices. I know that when the time comes, I will be able to trust you to make smart and safe choices. You are so great and I'm so thankful to have you with me and in my life. It's a pleasure witnessing you grow up. You talents are just beginning  to emerge and your future is a bright one.

I love you more than tongue can tell.

Love,
Mom

Only you can pull off a blonde wig worn backwards. Love you!

My water baby, still.

The birthday girl!

Silly girls!

You fit right in!

You and Aubri tied for first place in the Limbo at your party.

I love this picture because you look lovely and because it says 'DANGER' over your left shoulder. :)

a handsome, slim, middle finger post

Today Julianna had an appointment with Dr. Handsome....Hansen, really-- but apparently she likes Handsome better.

Tonight at dinner Lily asked for some "slim" milk. She meant skim.

Tonight I was trimming Lily's fingernails. I was trimming her middle finger and she said, "Are you pointing my middle finger up?" I answer no. She said, "Good, because that's the middle finger and you're not supposed to point that one up alone." I didn't really answer her because what should I say? So she went on. "It means bad luck. It means you're wishing someone bad luck." I still didn't answer-- so she went on. "Haven't you ever heard someone was going to 'middle finger' you?" Well, this is the point where I can answer honestly. No, no one has ever said they were going to middle finger me. Thank god for that. Tom entered the conversation at this point. He asked her if she wanted to have an honest conversation about this. Yes, she did. He told her it means something very mean, to never do it and to never teach her brother or sister about it. That's when Drew walked in. Thankfully, the conversation was over...despite Drew's best efforts to revive it.

These are just a few things I don't want to forget.

On the 100th Day of School

Today on the 100th day of school, my children had the perfect morning. They got dressed, ate breakfast, and had hair and teeth brushed with no problem. It was a lovely morning. I thought that since the 100th day is a day to celebrate, I would give a report on how things are going at school.

Lily hasn't missed a day of school. She has worked hard this year to make good choices at school. She recently went through a medication change and tried her darnedest to do well at school without it. She gave a valiant effort, but in the end we saw that she was truly benefitting from the medications. She did get a new one and it's working.

I heard from Lily's teacher a few days ago that Lily is doing very well at school. Lily's teacher is proud of Lily's improvement when it comes to working in groups. She told me that she usually puts Lily in pairs to work so that she doesn't become overwhelmed. However, last week Lily worked seamlessly in a group of FIVE students. She was a member of the team, she allowed others to contribute, and at one point they were all drawing on the paper at once. I am so proud of her!

Drew has also not missed a day of school. He loves it so much and loves having so many friends to play with everyday. He has recently started reading books independently, and asking for more at his level. This is a huge deal because early in the year I could  barely get him to read the required 3 page books sent from school. At first I thought maybe he was having trouble because of an inherited learning disability; but I think he was actually having trouble because of an inherited eye problem. He has been doing eye therapy for two months and the change is amazing. Obviously, because he loves to read by himself now. :)

Yesterday, on day 99, Drew lost his first tooth. He was so proud that he had pulled out himself at rest time. He said all the kids wanted to come and see the tooth after he'd pulled it out. I don't know what the chances are, but so far two of my children have lost their first tooth in Mrs. Law's kindergarten class instead of at home. He was excited to put the tooth under his pillow and wake up to some shiny quarters.

Julianna has not gone to school 100 days, but she is doing wonderfully and loves school. She is keeping me laughing and testing her limits just a bit. I love being home with her these last two years before big kid school. It's such a blessing.

make a note

Lily:* Have you made a note on the calendar that the first and second grade music program is the 5th of February?

Me: Yes, I have. Thanks.

Drew:** Next time you make a note, say that Drew did this on a day in January. [Makes the rock n roll sign and waves arm around.]

Me: Will do, will do.


*Yes, as a matter-of-fact, she did use these exact words in this exact order. And, yes, I do believe she is sometimes a small adult.

**Yes, as a matter-of-fact, Drew did do this exact thing on Sunday. It made me laugh for at least 10 minutes.

I know that Drew isn't making a rock n roll sign in this picture. But this picture makes me laugh for a different reason.
Drew....oh, Drew. You and your sour face make me laugh.

Outtakes of the Family Photo Shoot

 



These are the outtakes from our recent family picture session. We didn't hire a fancy photographer because it was last minute, for fun, and we wanted to try out my sister, Aunt Flash's, new camera. We took the pictures at the shop of Johnson Sheet Metal, my dad's family business since 1921. It was lots of fun and we got some great shots. Julianna (I know she wants to be called Jae, but I'm going to secretly call her Julianna for as long as I can...but that's another post.) Anyway, Julianna gave us the best outtake faces. She is one expressive child!



 

 

 

This is what we did when we were told to be goofy.

My sister accidentally turned on her automatic picture feature and it took 10 or so pictures right in a row. Julianna and I decided to be goofy for all the pictures.

There could be a whole book of Julianna faces. She is possibly the most expressive person ever.

Aren't we so funny?

Someone said something hilarious.

This is Tom's favorite picture of me from the day. Don't I look cool?

I don't know where Lily learned this goofy face.

I love this picture.

I guess this is where Lily learned that goofy pose from earlier.

Oh, Julianna!

I hope we take more time to take these family pictures. They are priceless. They will look great in the next edition of my blog book. My goal is to turn each year of the blog into an actual book. I love the idea of having a collection of my writings in an actual book for my children to hold onto and read in the years to come. Actually, they aren't really allowed to read the blog yet. I'm not always sharing things on the blog that they are ready to read about. They will have to wait a few years before they can see what Mom really thought about this stuff. :)