with a twist

Every mom that works hard to make her house presentable for guests, but leaves it pretty messy most of the rest of the time, has had a similar conversation to the one that follows. Except in this conversation Julianna adds her own twist.

Julianna: Who is coming over today?

Me: No one.

Julianna: Then why are you cleaning?

Me: Because I like to have a clean house.

Julianna: Well, I like to have a dirty mouse.

Me: A dirty mouse?!

Julianna: (laughs) I mean a dirty house!

 

Help Wanted?

I don't think I really want one....a job, that is. But good heavens. Five straight days home for snow days can make a person really consider going back to work. I love my children with all of my heart. We are all doing our best to get  along and make the best of the situation...but I really feel like my kids aren't getting the best of me today. I've been a bit grumpy and snappy with them and it breaks my heart. BUT GOOD HEAVENS! WE HAVE HAD FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS OF SNOW!! Plus, the kids are only going to school two days this week because of parent teacher conferences. I will get a 30 minute break on Thursday -- total.

As we all know, I do not do well with dreary weather. Nor do I do well with hanging around the house all day long. I am just ready for an outing and something new to do. I'm also ready for children to stop hanging on me and whining and asking for snacks.

Whew. That was super whine-tastic. I hope you can forgive me for that. I just really wish my kids were at daycare right now and I was off doing some productive thing with grown ups. This feeling will pass. I promise. I much prefer being productive with my children, than without. I know that working moms often wish they could stay home on certain days or not miss the class parties or field trips. I wish there was a way to share a job with someone so that we could both get the perfect balance between staying home and working outside the home. Does that exist? If it does, I want one of those.

Thanks for listening. I'm feeling much better about the day. A little over two hours and my husband will be on his way home, dinner will be on the table, and all will be right with the world. But I better go now -- it's snack time again.

Snow Day 2013

Dear children,

 Today is your first snow day in recent memory. The last snow day we had was in April of 2009. So far we have about 12-14 inches of snow on the ground and there is more to come. I thought you guys might get a kick out of reading about this day later. A snow day is one of the ultimate nostalgic days of you childhood.

This morning Drew woke me up and six o'clock a.m. He was quiet for awhile, but started talking at about 6:30 and didn't stop until seven. He spent that thirty minutes filling me in on the Civil War, George Washington, Abe Lincoln, the Revolutionary War, Mount Vernon, and the Statue of Liberty. He kept confusing Lincoln for Washington...but otherwise, he was right on. He told me why Abe had a beard and that it is said that Washington is the "Dad of the United States". No one can say that Drew isn't learning plenty in kindergarten, huh?

I forced you guys to wait until later in the morning before you could go outside in the snow. I said it was because I wanted it to warm up a bit, but really I was stalling so that you wouldn't be done with snow by 8:30 in the morning. Drew and Julianna went out to play in the white stuff a little before 10 and had a great time with the toy dump truck and bulldozer pushing the snow around. You guys stayed out there for almost an hour, I think.

Lily. Oh, Lily; Miss Sensory Sensitive, proclaimed she wasn't going in the snow. But eventually she couldn't resist it and went out in all of her snow gear. She was already annoyed enough with all the snow gear before she stepped outside....so it's not surprising that she only lasted 15 minutes out in the snow. It's okay, Lily. I wouldn't have lasted that long. I hate to be cold and wet. Yuck.

 Once everyone was inside, you guys enjoyed a bit of hot cocoa with a squirt of whip cream on top. It was a huge hit, let me tell you. Lily was also late to join that party, so I didn't get her picture.

I am shocked to report that the TV was not used as a device for distraction until I suggested a movie after lunch. You guys have kept yourselves busy with other things, and actually have been getting along quite well.

Yesterday I was maybe dreading this day just a bit...it was only because you guys came home from school and bounced from ceiling to floor for 3 straight hours. And because I caught Drew drinking honey from the honey bear. And everyone was screaming and fighting with each other. However, you guys have pleasantly surprised me. We've had a good day so far. I think the next thing on the agenda is for us to bake a cake.

Much love on this snow day,
Mom

I pledge allegiance

Drew was in a grumpy mood today. At bedtime he was being rude and disrespectful. I took something away as a consequence. He was upset, but rather than just get mad, he 'pledged allegiance' that he wouldn't do it again. I'm not sure, but I think he was trying to say something about promising or crossing his heart. His consequence remained despite his pledging allegiance over and over again.

A storm is coming soon (freezing rain and snow) and Tom had to work late tonight and Drew had a 4:30 appointment in Wichita. All of these factors contributed to our crazy evening. Interestingly, Lily was the most mellow I've seen her in an evening....well, maybe ever. I hope it doesn't mean she's coming down with something....

Memories from today

This is just a post so that I can remember the little things that were happening to us in life.

Drew was making phone calls with his play phone. He spoke with a man name Harold and another man named Larry. He was giving orders and told Larry to swab the decks. We do not know anyone by these names, and they are so out of the ordinary for a kindergartener to know, that it struck me as funny.

Julianna has been showing signs of being able to read for awhile now. She has obsessively been writing her letters whenever she has a pen and paper. Last week she wrote her first word independently. And I don't mean just writing letters I tell her to make a word. She actually sounded out a word herself and wrote it down without my help. The word was 'pan'. Since that day I have noticed that she can remember the short vowel sounds for a, e, i, and o. Yesterday I wrote about three dozen short vowel words on a piece of paper and she sounded out and read every single one of them. This seems totally crazy to me...but I'm looking forward to seeing what she figures out next.

My children are all about running lately. I went for a run first thing in the morning yesterday and when I got home they wanted to run too. They like my treadmill more than I do and Lily ended up running 1.4 miles on it yesterday. There is a running club for kids 8 and older and I'm thinking it'd be a good club for Lily to join. She needs practice making friends and the running could be a natural help for her ADHD. The other two children ran too, but not nearly as much. I'm ready for the long, warm summer days where all they do is run and play.

Tom finished up a big part of a painting project on Sunday. He has all the walls and the trim in the living room painted. The next step is to finish the second coat on the ceiling. He is currently building himself some stilts so that he can move more easily while painting so high up. I'm looking forward to getting my furniture back in the room to see how it looks. I'm being patient though -- and grateful to Tom for all his hard work. Tom is a very careful painter and I think it looks great. We have lived here almost two years and I'm so excited that we have started some of the projects that will make this house look the way we want our home to look. It's not going to be an overnight thing, but when we're done, it's going to look great. :)

The full report

Dear Reader,

The good news is: I have migraines.

I had my appointment today with the specialist. After a full examination of my eyes and asking me lots of questions, she announced that my eyes are perfectly healthy and that the eye trouble I was having were actually migraines. I know that this doesn't sound like good news, but it is. When thinking back to what it could have been, migraines are easy. I am looking forward to finding ways to manage the migraines with some lifestyle changes- like no more caffeine.

In other news regarding my eyes, the doctor did say that the surgeries I had as a child usually work for about 15 years and then the eyes start to drift out again. I do have some trouble with this, however she did say that if I do Drew's eye exercises then my eyes should stay straight for longer. I also learned that eventually having glasses again is inevitable. I can deal with that. After the news I got today, I feel pretty good about just about everything.

Thank you to everyone who reached out to me during this time. It was a stressful ordeal that I'm happy to say is over. It is always nice to be reminded of all the amazing people and family I have in my life if I ever need anything. Thank you so much.

Love,
Taylor

Laughs, thanks to Julianna

Julianna never fails to make me laugh. Here are two things that she's said in the last 24 hours to make me smile.

I told her to get her coat on so we could leave the house. She looked on the inside and saw that her name had been written on the inside. She looks at me and says with a shocked look, "Mom! JC Penny's put my name in my coat! How did they do that?!" I then explained to her that I had put her name in her coat in case she lost it.

Tom got home from three days out of town last night after the kids went to bed. This morning Julianna and I had this conversation:
Me: Julianna, Lily's getting in the bath first. Put your jammies back on until it's your turn so you don't get cold....

Julianna crawls back into bed.

Me: Julianna! You are such your daddy's girl! You can't go back to bed!

Julianna giggles.

Me: Did you see that Daddy was home?

Julianna: Yes!

Me: How did you know?

Julianna: Because! There was a BIG BOY in your bed!!

The lame ophthalmology update

My appointment with the specialist was cancelled for the third time today.

I did talk to my regular eye doctor. He said based on my history with strabismus (lazy eye), and the fact that I had Lasik eye surgery two years ago, that this neuro ophthalmologist is the best doctor for me to see. This recommendation actually made me feel a little better. His assessment means that he thinks that the trouble has to do with my eye history and not the development of a new disorder. I feel better about the possibility of eye trouble than brain trouble.

It's with this attitude and recommendation that I will wait another week to see the same doctor that has cancelled three times. I am going to let the kind part of my heart assume that she is in fact very sick, and really can't help the situation that she has put me in. However, if it turns out she's just a pansy, I might have to punch her in the face. I probably won't punch her, but I might give her the mean stare down.

Stivers Summer Camp

My friend Lindsay sent me a blog link to a mom who had made up her own summer camp for her kids. This has made me so excited for summer. I am seriously considering doing a modified version of her idea. I love summer time anyway and I think my kids are old enough to do something like this. I'm not saying we will not be signing them up for any activities in the community-- just much less than I did in summers past. We are going to have our own fun at home.

The way I plan to spend several weeks of our summer is on a planned schedule. I'm hoping to have the kids help me to plan the weeks in advance so that I can get what we need ahead of time. And who doesn't love knowing what to expect?

This is how our week will go:

Make it Monday-- this is the day we might make cookies, or a fort, or a volcano. Whatever the projects that the kids have been thinking about. Be sure to make suggestions of what we can make if you have some!

Take a Trip Tuesday-- this is the day of the week that we will be taking our trips to the park or the museum or taking a road trip to see something fun. The trips I'm most looking forward to are our day trips to the farm to see my grandparents. (Who happen to be celebrating 58 years of marriage today!)

Wet Wednesday-- Wednesdays are the day for the pool or the water park of the sprinklers. It's the day we might spend the afternoon at the lake with a picnic.

Thinking Thursday-- this day is planned for learning about things the kids have been thinking about and want to learn more about. It might be birds or weather or basketball. Whatever it is, we will choose one thing each Thursday to think about. I think this will be our library day for us to get books about what we're thinking about. We will also use the internet to find interesting things about what we're thinking about that day. I'm looking forward to those dinner conversations!

Friend Friday-- Friend Friday is the day that all the kids get to chose a friend to have over for the afternoon. I'm hoping that with everyone having someone to play with, it will lessen the fighting over attention with our guests. I rarely let the kids have friends over so I know that this will be a special treat for the kids.

I know this may seem way too structured for the average family during the summer months. However, the children and I do so much better with something planned and expectations set. We are all already looking forward to Stivers Summer Camp!

what it feels like to me

My blog is where I go to record my life. I love this blog and what it means to my family. As I type this I'm thinking a lot about the idea of having a chronic illness and how that will effect my life. This blog is where I go to put thoughts out there and words onto a screen, so I'm going to share my thoughts tonight.

I am wondering if I'm really ready to face that I could have multiple sclerosis? Am I prepared for what that really means? I'm not sure. But there is no way of knowing until I know, ya know?

The chances of me having MS are low. That's what I tell myself. I remind myself that there aren't millions of people walking around with this disease. There are actually only 400,000 people in the United States. That's a small number when you think of the millions that live here. These are things I tell myself during the day as I try not to think about it at all. However,  two hours later of the same day I can be knee deep in  information about MS and see that I have many of the symptoms. In the good moments I think, "I can't have it. Everyone I know has at least a few of these symptoms." and then in the bad moments I think, "Oh my god. I have several of these symptoms. I very well could have MS." There seems to be no way of controlling where my mind wanders. I can turn off my computer and try not to think about it, but the unknown kills me and drives me back to the internet to search for a little shred of evidence that will say: "You don't have MS, Taylor. Don't be a crazy person." I am still looking.

Tom tells me, 'If we find out in a few months that you do actually have MS, we are not going to change the way we are living now. There is no reason to worry about it. You can't change it and you can't make yourself crazy over it.' I love Tom for telling me this. I love that he doesn't allow me to sink into crazy town where I drown in the depths of WebMD. But Tom can't crawl inside my brain. He cannot get me to actually stop thinking about these things. I wish he could. I wish he wasn't in Kansas City tonight so that I wasn't sitting here writing these personal, terrifying things onto my blog for everyone to read. But alas, he is not here. So I continue typing and sharing what it really feels like to find out you *might* have a scary, lifelong illness....but maybe you don't.

It could be months before we know anything definitive. I could go to this appointment and have the doctor tell me that there is a reasonable explanation for all of this. If that happens, I will breathe a sigh of relief and be grateful. I will kiss my husband, hug my kids and take the next step forward in my life. However, if we go to this appointment and they tell me that they need to run more tests, or that there isn't a clear answer, I will take a deep breath. I will then kiss my husband, hug my kids and take the next step forward in my life. Even if it means I will be stepping into the unknown.

Basketball, what?

 It's been said that Julianna is about as attentive as her mother. In other words, she is about as attentive as a gnat. At least this is true when it comes to things that don't interest her.

If I was forced to guess, I would guess that Julianna isn't that into basketball.

She had her last game this Saturday morning at the Sports Arena. She was not into it one bit. She was pretty happy when it was her turn to sit on the bench.

When we got home and I saw these pictures I'd taken it made me laugh. She is so clearly not paying attention that it is comical.

 

After the game on Saturday I was asking her what she liked better swimming or [fill in the blank here]. Her answer was always swimming. Every. Time. I think she and I are going to need to get some pool time in soon. This girl obviously has chlorine in her veins and not basketball fever.

our week

Monday we celebrated Drew birthday day with some low key hanging out. I had a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning so I arranged for the kids to have two of their favorite young people over to babysit them. They had a great time with nerf gun wars and making forts. At one point Lily fell and scraped her knee. It bled and she was so excited because that meant she could look at her blood under her microscope.

For Drew's birthday dinner he chose oatmeal and toast. I was so happy with this choice. I was tired that evening and I needed something easy to make for dinner. Plus, as I explained to Drew, oatmeal is one of my comfort foods. I explained what comfort food meant and he said he already knew that. Then he explained that oatmeal was also one of his comfort foods because that was what he'd eaten the day he passed out. What my kids remember always amazes me...even if I know that those memories will eventually be replaced with multiplication facts and state capitols.

This week was also the week that Julianna put together some really amazing outfits:

I guess her outfits depend on what gender mood she's in. In one of these pictures she's a boy and in one she is a girl. I bet you can't guess which is which.

 

 

This week Lily grew up just a little bit more and got braces. She likes the idea of being grown up enough to have braces. But the reality of them isn't as fun. She is in a little bit of pain, plus she has a bead on the roof of her mouth to help with her tongue thrust. The bead gets in her way and makes it difficult to talk. Once she gets used to it, it should help to correct her speech and lesson the pressure she puts on her front teeth. But the part where she has to get used to it and actually correct her speech might be a long road for her. I will get back to you on that.

 

One more thing this week. Monday, as I mentioned, I had a doctor's appointment. It was an appointment with my optometrist because I've been having terrible eye aches that sometimes are so bad that I have to just go to bed and sleep them off. It finally had gotten so bad that I called the doctor. Well, my usual doctor was out of town. So I saw the other doctor in the practice and that doctor just happens to be a guy that I've known for my entire life. His mom and my mom were in business together when she was pregnant with me and his sister is my oldest friend in life. It was nice to see him. He ran every test he had and did a thorough exam. The only thing he found was that I am actually seeing colors differently out of my left eye. My left eye is the one that happens to be the one giving me trouble. Out of my left eye it seemed like the red color I was looking at had a shadow cast over in in grey. Dr. Ben told me that this could be a sign of MS and referred me to a neuro ophthalmologist to find out more. He is pretty sure that it has something to do with my optic nerve but didn't really have a less scary explanation for the color difference or eye aches I'm having. I'm nervous, but have realized within the last 24 hours that if it is something like MS that is giving me problems, I will not start living differently upon diagnosis. So I'm trying not to think about it and staying busy with my usual chores.

 

In an effort to stay busy and meet new people, I've joined a book club with my friend Myca. Last night was our first meeting. It was fun and I like all three of the other members. :) I have to say that I might be the only one that obsessively reads but they were all excited about getting started. In the end, we decided on a book that I had already read and loved. It's called The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. It's a great book club book and has everything a great book needs. If you haven't read it, you should. It is my Top Book of 2012 choice. It is a Young Adult novel that you don't have to be young to enjoy.  I would recommend it to all of you. The best part about the book club besides the people and the books has to be the name of our club. It makes me laugh just sitting here thinking about it. We call ourselves the Lit Lovers, which is probably the funniest thing ever.

 

 

Whew!

Normally I wake up every weekday morning around 5:15 to workout. I come home around 6:30 to wake everyone for the day and get them off to school. This morning was a little different. I guess I was so tired for the Christmas Party this weekend and the kids were tired from a weekend at Mimi and Papa's house. Today I shut off my alarm without waking up and didn't open my eyes until 7:30 on the nose. I flew out of bed and said to Tom, "We slept in! This is usually when we leave the house!" I ran to Drew's room, where he was still passed out, and woke him. Tom was downstairs waking Lily before I knew it. We were in the car backing out of the driveway at 7:39 and I pulled up the the school at 7:46. The kids ate a few more bites of breakfast, gave me a quick kiss and were in the school by 7:49...one minute before the final bell rang. Seriously, that has to be some sort of record. It should also be noted that everyone but me did this in a calm and efficient manner. I was a little frazzled, but Tom was calmly reminding me to calm down...which always helps to calm a person like me. ha ha ha.

Today is Tom's first day of vacation from work. When I arrived home from dropping the kids off we picked up every room in the house to prepare for the cleaning crew to clean our house (still the greatest gift of my life). So we ran around and quickly pre-cleaned the house. (It is required with how messy our house gets!) I grabbed a shower, made my grocery list and we were back out the door by 9:30. We then went and bought some Secret Santa gifts for various gift exchanges, dropped off a prescription,  bought Tom some new shoes, went out to lunch, did our weekly grocery shopping, and picked up the dry cleaning. It was an extremely busy morning. I'm a little nervous about the rest of Tom's vacation days. I may not make it until the end! After all of that, Tom asked me when we got home what was next on our list of chores. I told him, if he wasn't here pestering me, I would probably just sit down and finish my list for Christmas present shopping....but since he is here being so productive I guess I better come up with some more chores for him to do - while I sit down and take a deep breath. 

 

End of the year update

I miss my blog. I think of things to write about and I even take notes sometimes so I won't forget. However, making myself take the time to sit down and write has been hard. So I thought I would just stop by and get an end-of-the-year update so that I don't completely forget my life.

Several months ago Tom got a new job as a Construction Manager for his company. The time commitment for him was huge. It was a very busy summer with some pretty stressful days. Summer is my favorite time of year but it was harder to enjoy with a missing member of the family. The construction season has already come to a close and today is Tom's last day at work for three weeks. I am very much looking forward to having him around and he not drained from work in the evenings. The winter months of his job are what I look forward to and are the light at the end of the tunnel come August when we rarely get a moment to ourselves.

Lily will be turning eight in February  EIGHT! So strange. I'm happy to say there are days, or moments, that she is wise beyond her years. She continues to do well in school academically and she also continues to be perplexed by her peers. She loves her teacher and so do I. Mrs. Wilkens had made this year very enjoyable and a huge learning opportunity for Lily. Lily is still committed to ballet. She struggles to always remain ballerina-like during class. Not because she cannot dance....but because she lacks the calm, quiet personality that is common with a ballet dancer. I am proud of her because she continues to work hard to do her best and her dance teacher continues to demand Lily's best. My most favorite development with Lily is that she isn't just a new reader anymore. She is now a true bookworm. She has to be grounded from reading if we are needing to really get a message across. We went through a couple of weeks of poor behavior at home and at school. We discovered the root of the problem was that she was staying up way past bedtime to read her books. Now when I tell her good night, we read together for a few minutes and then I take the book with me upstairs. This has to be done so that she can function at school. Chances are this will be a habit that she will continue for the rest of her life...speaking from experience.

Mr. Drew is in kindergarten and will be turning six years old very soon. He has not missed a day of school and he loves his teacher. He works very hard a school and is always trying to be the perfect student, the perfect friend and blend in with his peers in just the right way. He has relaxed some as the year as progressed, but he remains diligent. He struggles some with his eyes. We have discovered that he has not been seeing as well as he could be seeing. This struggle to see has made reading more difficult, but his teacher says that she cannot tell he is struggling at all. He is just where he needs to be for his level of reading and comprehension and she tells me all the time how smart he is. I know I might have sounded crazy to her at first when I said that I thought Drew was struggling...but I'm glad I persisted. It turns out, he inherited my eyes. His eyes cross just enough that it makes it difficult for him to see what he is reading. He has recently begun eye therapy and we are hoping that this exercises with help us to avoid a corrective surgery. Drew has been staying busy with friends and is playing basketball this winter. He loves being a part of a group and really has not met a person at school that wasn't a friend. Last month he was chosen as the Hawk Walker. The Hawk Walker is a child recognized for setting a good example in the hallway and making good choices. As far as I know he is the only one in his class to have the honor so far and Lily told us it was a big deal. For receiving the honor he got a choose one friend to sit with him at a special table in the lunch room for lunch and then his name was announce on the Morgan Morning News. I am very proud of him!

Julianna is in her first year of preschool. She loves it! She always gives me the full report of everything that happened at school that day. She doesn't hold anything back and even shared yesterday that she had her first time out at school. She said she was playing monsters too loud and didn't quiet down to come to circle. She shared that her friend Lauren cried, but that she was too scared to cry. Earlier in the week she shared that she hard learned about 'thinking' at school. I asked her what she learned and she said, 'I don't know. We didn't think.' She always makes me laugh. Julianna is getting so spoiled being the only kid home during the day. She gets Tom and I to herself during lunch most afternoons. She is determined to be as much of a tomboy as she can possibly be, but then loves to play babies and house and do very girly things.She is growing up very quickly and loves to learn. She finds time to mother her babies, play a little basketball, take swimming lessons, and pester her siblings to explosion on a regular basis. Julianna makes everyone laugh and knows just what to do to drive us crazy too.

I am staying very busy. I thought having two in school would free up some of my time - and it did. However I wasn't too keen on free time. I went stir crazy at home with no one to take care of. My schedule has filled up with some volunteer opportunities and helping at the kids' schools. I love being a stay at home mom at this stage. I am always available for their programs and school functions and I am the one to cart them to all of their activities. My days are busy and hectic but I really love it. In January I will start training for my first full marathon. I have now done three half marathons (13.1 miles) so I feel like it's time to take the plunge and just train. At this point my goal is to survive the training runs without injury and to complete the 26.2 mile race in a fully conscious state. My scheduled race is in April in Oklahoma City. I hope that I will take the time to blog a little bit during my training. Surely it will be interesting and a little fun.

Lily sitting next to her blue ribbon winning artwork

Headed out for a bike ride in 105 degree heat.

Showing off for the crowd at the Kansas State Fair.

Drew at his Halloween party sitting with his friend, Jaron. 

Looking good all dressed for school. 

A ride on the tire swing in Colorado this year.

Julianna loves to swing!

Pirate Lily waving during her school parade. 

I hope this provide a glimpse into our lives. My 2013 resolution is to blog a minimum of once a week. It will happen.

School sponsored bullying?

I worry sometimes about being the crazy parent. I am cautious about calling very qualified educators out about something. But today I can't help but wonder what the hell the school was thinking.

This week is Red Ribbon Week. It is a week of celebrating being drug-free. Every day they choose a new, silly way to celebrate. There are endless possibilities. So this is why I can't understand how the school thinks, in elementary school, that a Nerd Day is a good way to be silly.

How does one explain the term nerd to a child? I know that by the time I was in high school I had a whole group of friends that celebrated our nerdiness. We embraced being awesome for being different. However, the idea that you can explain to a young child what it means to be a nerd is crazy. Everything good about a nerd I want my child to strive for. Nerds are smart, creative people that usually grow up to lead to the world. But this isn't something that is easy to understand for a child trying to figure out who they are. Nerd Day is a way of mocking people who are different. It's not okay. And here I thought we were trying to avoid bullying.


With all of this in mind, I couldn't help but contact the school. This is what I said:

Re: Nerd Day

Hi Mr. Principal Man,

I am emailing because something has been bothering me for a few days. I was going to let it go until today when I dropped my kids off for school and saw the other kids dressed for Nerd Day.

I have two kids at Local School.  They are in kindergarten and second grade. They have both been asking me since last week what a nerd was. Now, we do not make fun of each other at home. We also do not put others down for being who they are. If you are raising your kids to be accepting of all people, it's hard to explain to them what a nerd is. 

So, today, as I drop my sweet kindergartener off for school in glasses he's had since he was two years old, my heart breaks. I wonder how I will explain to him why all the kids thought that dressing like a nerd meant to wear glasses. I wonder, with all the anti-bullying talk around, how a school could be okay with this. There are so many other ways to be silly and fun and promote being drug-free.

I hope that you will take my thoughts into consideration for next year's Red Ribbon Week.

Thanks, 
Taylor 

I'm sure many of you see this as a benign way to have fun. I can imagine the response from my uncle, the educator, who taught me the word nerd. But this can only be fun if we like to laugh at people for being different and I see no good in that. 

Make new friends.....

Lily had a bug class at our local nature center today. It was a girl scout class so she earned her first patch. When we got home we had this conversation during lunch:

Me: You know Lily, the girls at the class today are in your new troop so we will see them at your first meeting Tuesday.

Lily: uh-huh. I met them but said I didn't know them.

Me: Well, I hope you tried to make friends. Part of being a girl scout is being a good friend to people. Good friends ask questions and listen to the answers. They share stories about their experiences and listen to their friend's stories.

Lily rolls her eyes and says: UGH! That sounds like a lot of talking!

Oh, Lily......

deep breathing

Drew loves kindergarten. He plays with everyone and follows every rule. His teacher commented one day, when Drew was cautiously walking with an untied shoe, that he was cautious about everything. Which, she pointed out, was the opposite of his sister.

Anyway, so Drew loves school. He is always all smiles when we pick him up. As we start walking to the car he starts walking slower and slower, like he is running out of gas. By the time the door to the van shuts, he is out of gas and running on angry fumes. He usually lashes out at a sister pretty soon after his seatbelt clicks. Lily uses this opportunity to repay him for all of the times that he has quietly pushed her buttons until she explodes.  Yesterday was no different. That exact scenario repeated itself another day. 

Every day I check backpacks before I leave my parking spot. It's one of my strategies for dealing with my disorganization. I look over stuff, sign permissions, etc., so that I don't have to think about it again. I pulled a drawing out of Drew's backpack just as he wallops Julianna. I warn him to cut it out and distract him by asking about his drawing. He angrily explained, "It's a picture of me angry taking a deep breath!" I said, "Oh, what a good idea. You can practice that now!"

"I don't need to practice! I can't do it!"

"Well, you need to figure something out because if you continue to be grumpy you will be practicing your deep breathing in your room at home."

He then took three or four deep, quick, huffy breaths and retorted, "See! I did it! It doesn't work!"

 After this exchange, I pulled into traffic behind a slow moving line of cars. drew started yelling at the truck in front of me to move out of the way! Go you crazy truck! MOOOOVE! This made me chuckle, because it was so over the top. I didn't respond. In fact, I have no idea where he picked up road rage. I am usually pretty laidback when I drive.

I swear to you, not three blocks later, Drew said, "Mom! That deep breathing works! I did it and now I feel better!"

Whew! I guess we do learn everything we need to know in life in kindergarten.

like a million people watching

This conversation happened as Drew continued eating dinner after everyone had finished but him. He was telling Tom and I about his day.

Me: You had music today. Did you learn any new songs?

Drew: (whispers) we are doing a surprise show for the teachers. Shhhh! We aren't supposed to tell them!

Me: Oh! That's exciting!

Drew: Yeah, well, we're doing it on the stage! I think I might get that stage fright stuff. You know, like that bear got in that book we read? She was so nervous to get up in front of all those people. I don't know if I can do it! I will be so nervous!

Me: It's okay to be nervous. Lots of people get nervous to be on stage in a show. You will be okay though. You guys will have time to practice.

Drew: Umm....you can not practice for this kind of thing! Uh! There are like two people there while we practice! You cannot practice for something like this! There will be like a million people watching the show while I'm up stage! YOU CANNOT PRACTICE FOR THIS KIND OF THING!

Me: Oh. Well....you'll be fine. It will make you nervous, but you'll be okay.

What else could I say to the poor boy?
And no, that was not a typo. He in fact did say 'up stage'.

where the cool go to school

Dear Parents of Elementary Schoolers,

Yesterday Drew dressed in a typical fancy outfit. He wore suit pants, a polo, and a suit vest. He loves to wear fancy suit clothes, and especially vests. I felt a little apprehensive about it, as he is very sensitive to what people say about him. It turns out, by allowing this expression, I sent him to the wolves. He won't tell me who said it or even what they said. I only know that for picture day today he  changed his mind from the polo/vest combo to something seemingly trendy. He looked adorable. But it made me sad that some twit made him feel uneasy about dressing is his favorite outfit.

I'm mad at the kid. But I'm more mad at you. I want to know at what point it became important to make your kid the "cool" kid in kindergarten. When did your self confidence become so low that you felt it was necessary to groom your kid for cool? I thought kindergarten was a time for fun and learning and making friends. I was under the impression that middle school was when we started to worry about fitting in.

Kids do not bully naturally. It is a learned behavior. My kids are not learning to bully in my home. We do not make fun of each other. We find other ways to laugh. We teach acceptance and allow our kids to be anyone they choose to be. My kids are told they can try whatever interests them. They can grow up to be anything they want. Kids learn to love themselves by watching us love them and from watching us love ourselves and our neighbor. 

Fellow parents, you need to take your ego down a notch. The goal in life is not to be the cool grown up. As you raise your kids you need to remember that confidence born from other people's opinion is false. Why don't we, for the rest of elementary school, allow our kids to be kids. Let's let them decide what to wear, what games to play and what friends to choose. They have their whole lives to decide who they are. Let's not confuse them early by forcing them to do what you have deemed the cool thing to do. 

Sincerely,
A fellow parent...who will kick your ass if you don't teach your kids some manners soon

More than words

Dear Lily,

Let me start by saying you are just absolutely amazing just as you are.

I know I could say this thousands of times to you and you will only hear it once or twice, but without a doubt you are a smart, creative, beautiful, darling girl.

We have entered a new stage in your life. I didn't know that it would start so early and I know I will never feel ready for it. But it's here and we must do our best to meet your needs, say the correct words, and love you just the right way. We have to. You are about to have some possible life defining  moments in your life.

Yesterday at dinner you shared that a boy pushed you and told you that you are ugly. This broke my heart and yours. I don't know if I responded to you in the best way when you shared this. I hope I did. There is a fine line between empowering your child and building them up, and making your child see themselves as the victim. I hope that I was able to lessen the strength of this boy's words and strengthen your armor against unkindness.

I know that I can say you are beautiful, and you are, but beautiful is not the most important thing. The most important thing about this moment is to remember how this felt. Remember that words have power. Power to show love and kindness; and power to show hate and unhappiness. The words we speak toward others and the actions we take, the way we make others feel; it's all important.

You are strong. This is not the last time someone will try and hurt you. But you can learn from this moment. You can learn that you have strength beyond your years. You can learn that your strength doesn't come from me, or your dad, or from what others say or how they feel about you. Your strength came from inside yourself. No matter what happens you, you must build the strength within yourself from your own power. You are in charge of you.

There are going to be lots of people in your life that try to make you feel bad. You are too amazing for that not to happen. It's not going to be easy, and it will hurt every time, but you are not a victim. Let these moments in your life remind you of your strength. Use these moments in your life to have compassion for unhappy people. Right now you are only seven years old and you know yourself better than most adults. You know deep down how awesome you are. You are too powerful to let a mean, powerless bully take even an ounce of your strength.

I love you more than words can say.

Love,
Mom