the facts of life

Lily: I wish my skin were lighter. A girl at school was saying that I wasn't as pretty because my skin was darker than hers.

Me: Really?! I think beautiful people come in all shades.

Lily: All the princesses have light skin. Cinderella.....Sleeping Beauty.....


And then later.....


Lily: Did you know that Martin Luther King Jr.'s sister is still alive?

Me: No, I didn't. Do you know what makes Martin Luther King Jr. special?

Lily: Yes, someone with a cannon ball shot him and someone that was helping him.

Me: Yeah, but what made him special?

Lily:  He made it so that chocolate...I mean colored...people could go to the same school.

Me: You mean "black" or "African American"? That is what you mean?

Lily: Well, I'm talking about people with dark skin. Darker skin than us.

Me: Yes. It's good to call them African American.

Lily: Yes. And we're not supposed to make fun of black people. And we're not supposed to make fun of white people.

Me: Well, yes, it's not good to make fun of anyone. Can you think of anyone we know that is African American?

Lily: T____. She's in my class at school. We don't make fun of her because her skin is brown.

Me: Can you think of anyone else? Grown ups? In our family?

Lily: Well, the Princess in the Frog is.

Me: Do you remember Liz, Leah and Lynn? They are in our family and they are African American.

Lily: No they are not! Their skin is not brown.

Me: Well, yes they are. Their mommy, Sally, is white like you; and their daddy was African American.

This is basically where the conversation ended.

I'm sharing this conversation with you because it has me thinking.

 When I sent Lily to kindergarten it had not occurred to her that anyone was better or worse because of their skin. Lily and I had only discussed the fact that their are people that we know with darker skin than us. One time she innocently asked me if people with brown skin tasted like chocolate. Completely innocent and does not imply anything negative at all. It was more a curious observation.

Now, fast foreword to Lily now. She went to school and learned about Martin Luther King Jr. As well she should! I am a strong believer in teaching children about the struggle for equal rights and the dark history that our country has regarding this very issue. However, sadly, this lesson also taught her to look at all people differently. The thought of one person being better than another person for any reason had never occurred to her. Now, however, she is considering that someone might be made fun of because of their skin color. She is also thinking that she is less because someone she knows has lighter skin than she does.

 I'm assuming, with proper guidence, that she will not continue to judge herself or anyone else because of their skin....but the idea has now occurred to her that people do. There are people all around us that continue the practice of judgement based on race, religion or sexual orientation. That is a sad fact that my sweet girl is now aware of. I just wasn't ready  for the bubble to burst. I wasn't ready.