taking notes and shaping people

I remember kindergarten. In fact, I remember the practice day you go to before you start kindergarten. I remember my teacher, the circle tables and the fact that I sat at a table of all boys. (I was pretty convinced for awhile that the reason I sat at an all boy table on the first day was because my teacher thought this Taylor was going to be a boy.) I remember choosing my first pair of glasses and my final eye surgery. I remember many, many things from when I was five and six.

I remember all of those things in pretty vivid detail and I think that's why when my children are about to turn five I get a little emotional and thoughtful. I think about what I'm saying to them. What they are experiencing and how they are feeling about everything. I wonder which moments will become ingrained in their memory and which ones will only be remembered because of my blog.

A five-year-old brain is fascinating. It is learning at lightening speed. The brain is recording language and numbers and how to tie shoes. It is identifying emotions and the power they have over lots of things. This little brain is observing how you are with manners, grammar, their siblings and your friends. They see how you talk to your spouse, how much you kiss your spouse and how often you speak negatively to your spouse. This little brain is taking notes, as only a five-year-old can. Tom and I are making very real impressions on how they will see the world.

No one is perfect and I hope that I'm not implying that you should be. What I'm trying to say is, you should do your best. And when you're not doing your best, tell your child about it. If you speak rudely to your spouse in front of the children, make sure your children also see you apologize. If you lose your temper with your child over something silly, take steps to help them see you're working on not getting upset over silly things. Make sure that you apologize to them. Share what you feel like when you're angry and what you do to feel calm afterward. Then try to be more understanding next time they lose their temper. Then maybe you could come up with ways for them to cope with anger in a healthy way and remember back to when you lost your temper so that they feel like they are understood and not that they are bad.

No one talks about this too much. I think people know that they are teaching manners and reading and how to tie shoes. But I don't think people are thinking about what your kids hear you say about the neighbors, about politics, religion or relationships. I don't think people spend a lot of time thinking about the fact that the way the greet their spouse when they get home from work is making a lasting impression on their child right now. But it is. If you want to raise a kind, loving, hardworking adult, then you need to make sure that you live your life as a kind, loving, hardworking adult.


After that you just have to keep your fingers crossed they don't pick up too many of the bad habits that you think you're doing without them noticing. Because guess what, they are noticing . They took note and it may have an impact on who they become.