Happy Happy Joy Joy

I've started a battle against the winter blues.

If you've been reading for awhile, you know that I had a pretty serious bout of postpartum depression after Julianna. With the help of medications and support from family and friends I'm out of the woods with that. However, I'm keeping my defenses up against the disease as we head into winter.

Typically, this is the hardest time of the year for me. The winters around here are pretty dreary. Also, I get a bit stir-crazy when I have to stay home for any length of time. I like to get out and about with the kids...and during the winter that's much more difficult. Anyway, I thought I would share here on the blog some of the steps I'm taking to stay on the brighter side of life. :)

Exercise
I've started running. For fun. Anyone that knows me, knows that I don't really run. Well, at least I didn't used to. I thought people were crazy for going out to RUN for SPORT! I had no idea what there was that could be enjoyable about such a crazy thing. I get it now. In fact, I'm addicted to it. The weather around here lately has been nasty. However, just a couple of nights ago, when it was 18 degrees, I went for a 2 mile run. CrAzY! Outside, today, it's 12 degrees. YES! TWELVE!! And I'm still getting the itch to get out my house and go for a jog. That's how I KNOW I'm addicted.

The running is such a good way to battle the blues. It gets me out of the house for a short time. It clears my head and makes me feel like I'm doing something for me. I love that I can walk out my front door and just start running. I don't have to load anyone in the car, drive anywhere, or put much thought into it. I can just go. It's awesome.

Happy Thoughts
Sounds so hokey. I KNOW! But, it's true. For me, one negative thought can get stuck in my brain. It starts a cycle of bad thoughts that I can't seem to stop. I'm sure if you've ever been depressed, you know that it's so hard to shut off that negative thought pattern. For me, it paralyzed me on some days. I would see the mess of my house, the piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and all the toys laying around...and I wouldn't be able to focus on anything else. I wasn't able to find the motivation to do anything about it....I would just think about how crappy I was for not getting it taken care of.

So, lately, I've abolished negative thoughts. My house is still messy. The dirty dishes still sit on the counter for a while before I get them loaded, and there is still a pile of dirty laundry waiting to be thrown in the machine. The only thing that has changed is the way I allow myself to think about these things. I used to walk by the dirty dishes and berate myself for not taking care of them. It was like they reminded me of what a failure I was. Not. Anymore. Now, I look at the dirty dishes and I think to myself..."I'll get to them. They aren't hurting anything. They WILL get done." And you know what? They do. My dishwasher is full of clean dishes right now. And the clothes? I'm on my second load of the day.

Let me be clear. The house is by no means company ready. I would STILL be embarrassed if any one of you came over right now. However, I'm not letting the mess get to me...I'm too busy playing trains with Drew; or playing patty cake with Julianna; or painting Lily's toenails, to get too worked up about it these days.

I will let you know how the battle is going come January. I have confidence that I'll be doing just fine.

Funk

I've been in a funk the last several days. There is no real explanation for it, really. It just is. So, tonight we had pizza for dinner and are watching a movie after the kids go to bed. I'm hoping to fake my way out of this slump in mood and energy! Good things are happening in my life!!

Tomorrow we are going to the Kansas State Fair. I hope that going there to people watch and eat myself sick will also help my current mood. I will let you know! Hopefully, after tomorrow, I will have the energy to post a Fair post for all of you Hutchinson natives!

Saturday Blessings!

Taylor

Feeling Good

I'm feeling so much better that I think I might be crazy all to the way to the other end of the spectrum. When I started getting treatment for the PPD I was sluggish, unfocused and unmotivated. Basically annoyed with life in general. However, in recent memory I have not ever felt as well as I do right this moment. Now I have both energy and motivation!

Because I have been feeling so good I have been completing all kinds of projects. Projects and chores that have been staring me in the face for weeks, months and sometimes even years!! One of the projects that I finished yesterday screams to me, You. Are. Better. This project would have never happened before treatment. As I type this I still can't believe I did it. Not only did I start the project, but I finished it!

this pic looks like an ad, it was unintentional

I bleached the grout of the tile in our kitchen. Not only did I clean the grout; but, I did it with a toothbrush. That's right people. The girl who barely had motivation to brush her own teeth merely three weeks ago is now scrubbing the floors with a toothbrush. It looks so much better. I am so proud of myself because I used to not be able to do ANY. THING. ALL DAY! And now I am seeing myself have success. I am achieving small victories that take me one step closer to being 100% better.

Do you know what I did when I was finished with the floor? I moved my energy and focus outside. I removed the screens on the front windows of our house. We have never taken them down before and we've lived here three and a half years. I took them down to get the windows washed for the first time. I had also noticed (when we moved in, really) that the paint was peeling away from the wood. So, my plan is to re-paint the window frames. The craziest thing about it? I have confidence that I can complete this little chore, too!

YAY ME!

P.S. If you tried to leave a comment on my last post, please try again. I guess that the comments were set up so that only people with google accounts could post. Tom changed it for me so you should all be able to comment.