the power of kindness

Lily had a bad day at school the other day. There is a little girl named E that she often butts heads with,  but on this particular day it involved a fight over a chair at reading group. There were tears and shoving and serious frustration. Lily is forever learning how to manage frustration and it didn't go well that day. This was not the first time that Lily and E have had conflict, but it happened to be the straw that broke the camel's back for me. On that day I decided to contact E's parents. I didn't want her family to think that Tom and I were just allowing our daughter to run a muck and hurt children at school. I wanted to share that we were working hard to help Lily achieve success in all areas, including her social life. And I wanted to open the communication lines with E's parents so that we could work together to help our girls overcome their conflicts.

At first, I was going to call her parents up on the phone. However, I thought about it and decided to email them instead. I felt like an email would give me a better chance to explain everything; and give them a chance to process what I was saying without me hanging on the other end of the phone line.

First and foremost, I apologized for Lily's behavior. I shared that I am heartbroken when things like this happen, but that we're working hard to overcome the social struggles. I also explained that I felt like Lily actually wanted to be friends with E, but didn't know how to go about involving herself in group situations. I told them if they had questions or concerns, or if they had something they felt like I needed to know about, to call me and I left my phone number.

I'm not sure what I expected in response, but I know I wasn't expecting what actually happened. E's mom emailed me right back. She shared that maybe it wasn't entirely Lily's fault, and that E was good at pushing people's buttons. Then she extended Lily and I an invitation to come to their house to play. She said that she'd make a pot of coffee and we could chit chat while we supervise the girl's play. I was shocked and totally overwhelmed by the gesture. What a great idea! This would give us all a chance to get to know each other and also provide an opportunity for the girls to create some positive experiences with each other outside of school.

The kindness of E's mom, J, caught me totally off guard. I can't say that I would have been able to do what she did for me, if the roles were reversed. When I emailed, I simply had in mind that we would have all the drama between the girls out in the open, and allow for easy communication. And also maybe to give E's family a better understanding of where Lily was coming from. However, I didn't expect to be welcomed into their life so fully. By inviting us over, J allowed me to feel excepted as a mother. She also made me feel better about Lily's struggles. She was willing to welcome Lily into their home, despite hearing the story of her pushing, shoving, meltdown. Such acceptance isn't always the case and it makes me feel so great about, well, people in general, really.

It turns out that Lily and E have way more in common than not. They both prefer to play by themselves. They both come home from school and "do art". They both have some of the same struggles. If J and I keep getting the girls together they could turn what was a negative relationship, into a really great friendship. Maybe they won't turn out to be the best of friends, but they will have a much better chance of having a positive relationship for here on out.

Interestingly enough, despite the struggles they have at school, the girls played beautifully yesterday afternoon. There wasn't even one tiniest bit of a hitch. And E's mom is pretty great, too. This little experience has reminded me of the power of kindness. I hope that I can take from this experience the strength reach out in kindness to someone I don't know every well in the future. You never know what a small, or large, act of kindness can do for someone else.