The letter I didn't think I'd ever be ready to write

Dear Julianna,

So, your visit to kindergarten passed and I didn't write a letter. Then you preschool recognition happened and I still didn't write a letter. Then your last day of preschool happened and still no letter. I want you to know that it's not because you're the youngest and it's not because I didn't have anything to say or that I forgot about the Kindergarten Visit Letter. I thought about the blog and the letter I wanted to write to you on every day that has passed for the last month. I didn't sit down and write it because I just had too much to say and too many thoughts to try and put it into a letter to my little girl. My littlest girl that isn't so little any more and by the time you read this you will probably be a very grown up girl, indeed. So I'm not making excuses. I just wanted to let you know that this letter is hard to write and terribly difficult to think about.

I know you know this, but on the day that you were born, you didn't cry. Not once. When they put you on my chest when you were very first born you just laid their looking around not making a peep. That moment kind of freaked me out, as the only other babies I had witnessed the births of were your brother and sister. And they certainly let their presence known upon arrival. I was so worried that I asked them to check to see if you were breathing. You were. I can still see the nurse standing there and assuring me that you were fine, perfect even. She was sure that it was just your temperament. You were going to be an easy-going person. She was correct. You arrived sweet and easy-going and you have stayed just that way. I have never met anyone like you and I love that story so much because it perfectly captures your spirit and who you are way down deep.

The whole first day and night after you were born there were no tears. The closest you came to unhappy was when you would get hungry you would meow at me that you were ready to eat. You are still that way on most days. You love to be with people and make friends easily. You are willing to change a plan or adjust what you want if it doesn't work for everyone. I'm not sure where that came from because all that niceness doesn't make you a pushover. You like for people to get along and be happy when they are around you, but you don't let them boss you around. Most of the time you will stand up for yourself and not let anyone push you around. What an amazing combination of traits to have at five years old! I can't believe how lucky Dad and I are to be your parents. You make our job really easy most of the time.

Julianna, as far as kindergarten goes, you are more than ready. You've been ready for awhile. I'm trying to get myself ready too. I'll get there soon enough, but right now I just can't believe we are here with you. We are at the moment where you spread your wings and start to really develop outside of our home. You are leaving my bubble now and it's hard to see you go. I have no doubt you are going to have an amazing time at school and with your friends. I have no doubt that your little mind is going to expand and grow and learn all sorts of wonderful things. You are ready to forge ahead and I will do exactly what I'm supposed to do. I will cheer and celebrate and support and love you. I will do everything I can to be the mom that you so deserve in this next chapter of your life. You are ready.

I love you so much that words and letters and clichés will never be enough to tell you just how much love I have for you. You are your own amazing person who is true to yourself on every level. I hope that your one-of-a-kind spirit continues as you grow. I hope that when you go out there into the world that you know that you are loved and always have a safe place to c

ome home to.

I love you more than a hotel (as you told me today),
Mom