How to Survive Taking a Long Roadtrip Alone with 3 Young Children

So, based on a recent experience of driving 200 miles alone with my children, this is my list of advice to you. If you really are brave enough (or stupid enough) to do as I have done....travelling alone with small children.

1. You may let the children have drinks in the car while you are driving. However, this is not a good idea. They WILL spill. No matter the precautions you take to avoid the mess, it will happen. Keep your cool. There is no reason to get to bent out of shape. Spilling drinks will probably be the least of your worries.

2. Avoid road construction at all costs. Road construction will only lengthen your trip and make your children antsy. There is nothing exciting to keep them entertained staying still on the highway. Even better advice? Keep it moving. Don't stop unless there are bodily fluids leaking from your children. Just. Keep. Driving.

3. With number two in mind, if your baby becomes hungry during the trip, it is still better to keep moving. If I were you, I would mix the bottle, (while keeping one hand on the wheel and one eye on the road) then reach back to the baby in the car seat and feed her the bottle all while keeping the car safely between the yellow lines.

4. If you must stop? Do so quickly and without drawing attention to yourself; because you cannot guarantee that you can make it out of any rest stop or gas station with your dignity in tact. Just keep your head down. If your children insist that they MUST GO TO THE BATHROOM (and you cannot find a place to drop them on the side of the highway) then stop at the gas station and escort them quickly to the bathroom making as little noise as possible. After you have completed the bathroom break, leave quickly. The less time they see your face the quicker they will forget it.

5. During said bathroom runs, make sure that everyone is done with their business before moving away from the toilet. You never know when they might start spewing unexpected fluids. It's true. You never know when they may begin to vomit. After telling you that they only need to potty....they may instead start throwing up all of that red juice that I advised against giving them. Keep them close to the toilet so that the red vomit will not go all over the floor and running down the side of the toilet bowl leaving you with no alternative but to alert the employee standing outside the bathroom door. The employee who is standing there looking at you like you came in to the gas station on this very day JUST TO RUIN HER DAY. She might look at you like you've lost your mind if you ask what she might have for you to clean up this mess. She might just kill you dead with her look.

6. Just one more thing about bathroom stops. Keep conversation to a minimum and take as few items in with you as possible. Even better? Leave your four year old in the hallway to wait for you. (I'm just kidding, people! I wouldn't actually leave her alone in the gas station!!) So, when you go in to the bathroom do not bring that bottle that your baby may be trying to finish. It's best to leave it in the car. Because? Because that bottle may lead to unwanted questions from your four year old. The conversation you have with your four year old may go something like this:

Mommy, is that the bottle's penis?

What?!

Is that the penis? Does the bottle have a penis? Just like Drew?

No, bottles don't have penises. It's called a nipple.

(Freud may have had something with that penis envy theory! Lily has been preoccupied with the fact that her brother has an extra body part. And...She. Wants. One.)

In conclusion, I would recommend the buddy system when traveling with children. Bring your spouse, or partner, or friend, or babysitter. Do not do it alone. Your sanity is at stake!