If this is how you normal people are feeling all the time, I may be on these drugs for the rest of my life! I am noticing all sorts of things now that I am out of the fog. My house was way more disgusting than I'd even like to admit. My children are not nearly as annoying as when I'm in the fog. And, I really feel like getting out of bed to accomplish something. I don't even think the drugs have even kicked in all the way...but I'm feeling great!
I am so grateful that I am living in an era that it's okay to seek help. I am also grateful that I live in an era that I have an automatic dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer. I can't imagine how far I could have sunk into the abyss if I didn't have modern conveniences to keep from drowning in a mess of dirty clothes, dishes, and diapers. Our house is still too dirty to be company ready any time this week, but it is not like I have to go and scrub the dishes and beat my clothes on a rock by the river. (I'm pretty sure my great-grandmother had to do that. Along with picking cotton and leaving her toddler aged children to fend for themselves at home.)
It is not easy to be grateful when you are in the midst of a depression. It is only easy to see how you are failing and the world is crumbling. It was hard for me to see, until now, that it must have been difficult for my husband to come home to a mess, with no dinner cooked, no clean socks, and a grumpy wife without saying something mean or condescending. He was really a gentleman through this entire phase. What a relief it is to be married to my best friend that gets me on a level that I don't even see. What a testament to our relationship that we made it through without hurting each other.
Lily had also had to do some growing up during this time. She has had to really step up to be the big sister because her mom was sort of unable to focus or get motivated to do much of anything. Despite her usual melt downs (that may have been a reflection of my mood as much as hers) she has really stepped up to be a big helper. She has been getting Drew drinks from the bathroom sink, and offered to change diapers, and has even washed dishes. What a big girl!! So sad that the reason she was doing all those things is because her Mom wasn't; but I am proud of her nonetheless!
6 comments:
So glad you're feeling better Taylor. And thank goodness you'll now be wearing underwear!! mmmmm, I think I would have worn the cleanest of the dirty. ha! Were you not worried about a gust of wind?
what an honest, heartfelt blog. you totally put into words how a person suffering from depression feels! and i know from experience that it isn't easy! i'm so proud of you for seeking help and not being ashamed to admit it to the whole internet community. do you still think some of your symptoms are due to ADD or do you think it was the PPD all the time? at any rate, i'm so proud of you and you are still a hero in my eyes! ~camille
Ann, I never considered the wind. :) I was just proud of myself for getting dressed!
Camille, Yes, I think some of my symptoms are the ADD. However, being treated for the depression makes the symptoms of my ADD not quite so emotionally frustrating.
Ah, I'm so glad you are feeling the effects of the meds! Now what's MY excuse for the house getting dirty???
Yay for Lily pitching in too!
Oh, and of course YAY for Tom for being an awesome husband. Duh.
Oh, Myca! Honey! My house is still a mess! :)
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